Me? Control Freak? Not Any More! Yeah Right...

For me writing is a necessity, and something I do for several reasons. It's a way of dealing with everyday life, and to air my, sometimes erratic, thoughts. This blog is a rather handy tool for that; I can publish whatever I want, and see what response I get, if any. What you might not be aware of is what happens behind the curtains? I usually read through my posts again, as I'm quite often think about what I've been writing and then suddenly get the idea that I've missed something, didn't explain myself properly or maybe offended someone. And if I then feel that something should or shouldn't be the way it is, I simply edit it. My blog, my writing and it's in my control.

Now, there's a keyword - control. I've become more and more aware that I really am a control freak, and that's something I'd like to work on. (No, I'm not changing, we agreed on that, I'd rather call it improvement.) There's so many ways to control, that I didn't quite understand that that was exactly what I was trying to do. But control also goes hand in hand with fear, and the fear of being vulnerable and hurt can make you do the strangest things. Like editing my own blog...

So, as a step in my own therapy program "becoming a better me" I did some writing again, but this time I put it on real paper, stuck it in an envelope and sent it away. No chance for seconds thoughts there, and it's beyond my control. Interesting feeling, I must say.

Just a few notes on changing vs. improving:

Think of yourself as a computer program, that's updated regularly to meet the publics expectations, and for optimum performance on many systems with different specifications. In other words - we don't want to change what the program is supposed to be doing, but we want it do it better, faster and more efficiently. Without any bugs that might cause a collapse in the system sooner or later.