Clarity

Second course weekend with the Angelos Method this year is finished, and I'm a whole lot wiser. Again. And that's the beauty of it, realizing that you'll never be wise enough - there's always something new to learn about yourself, which also means learning something about all people.

This time it was especially hard, but considering the state I was in when I started Friday, anything would have been an improvement. It's "common knowledge" that what happens in your childhood will affect you as an adult, and we have no problem understanding why some people are troubled when we hear how they were abused or mistreated as children. We often pass on these patterns, and let's say a woman who grew up with a alcoholic father is more likely to attract a drinking husband to herself. OK, this is easy to get, but what about the "invisible" things that happen, or maybe the things that don't happen - the absence of things that might should have been there? When I think about my own childhood, it must have been what you might say a "happy" one. No abuse, no rows, and a mother and father whose love for me I never doubted. But for example; why did I have all these nightmares when I was a kid? Why do I do the things I do now? For all patterns that need to be altered, you have to first recognize them. You have to actually see what you're doing, before you can change anything. And you have to do that, not only for your own benefit, but mostly for your own children.

Without dwelling upon this any further, I'll just want say what I'm going to do. Take action. There were a few lessons for me this weekend, but the most important one was that I have to be clear. If I'm not, how can I expect anyone else to be? According to the Law of Attraction you'll get back what you radiate, as simple as that. If I waver, the people I relate to will too. My problem though, my pattern, was that I didn't think I was wavering. In my mind I feel I've made my intentions and wishes clear, but apparently not, I can see that now. In fear of being rejected or questioned I hedge my bets, and therefor add reservations to my needs and desires. And by a very misplaced "niceness", I'll somehow try to spare people from demands. But there's a huge difference between demanding and just be clear about your own wishes.

So, clarity it is. From now on I'll try to stand up for my self, and there's actually nothing to lose by that, is there?