The Dreaded Blue Screen

So - it has happened to me too. My laptop has crashed, and all I get is the infamous Blue Screen. Maybe it can be rescued, but to what cost? I've had the machine for 4 years now, which is rather good for a laptop, and I actually bought a stationary PC last summer, since the old one was getting slow. But for writing and surfing while traveling I thought it would work a little longer.

Now that it seems like I won't have a laptop anymore I'm considering getting a new one. Buy me a little happiness? Some say this is a Zsa Zsa Gabor quote, but if not it can still illustrate my view today: "If you don't think money can buy you happiness, you're shopping at the wrong store." Luckily the one I'm thinking of isn't available at the moment, so there's no risk of doing anything rash.

I was thinking about getting a Mac, mostly because of its design, but I'm not too keen to convert my old beliefs. But this little baby from Packard Bell looks nice, doesn't it? In this case small is a good thing...

A Quick And Painful Experience

Oh boy, am I glad I don't have to take that course! "Introduction to the Philosophy of Mind", seemed more like an introduction to "How to waste your Time". Sorry, that was mean, and I know I'm absolutely in no position to criticize any professor. I'm sure his knowledge stretches very far and wide, but if he, at the age of 65, still is so nervous that he stutters with his eyes shut, well, I'll leave. Childish perhaps, but the poor man just didn't make any sense. Then it could be my abilities, of course, by judging from the other students reactions I don't think so. It was supposed to be an introductory course, after all. In my opinion a good lecturer knows how to simplify his message and engage the students. A lot of mumbling and confusing ideas, it was. Enough said about that.

Now I'm down to two choices, but the smartest is probably to stick to "Logic". Although the lecture I went to yesterday (Critical Approaches to Information Technology and Society) was very interesting, the course itself requires a lot of attendance, collaborating, and presentations. All which in turn means I'll have very little to go on if life decides to f¤&#% with me again. Me myself have no plans of misery, but sometimes things happen beyound control, so I better play safe, I think.

Slightly Optimistisc

I feel it would be downright stupid, to jinx this by saying I'm confident my assignment will be finished in time and to my satisfactory. But I do feel a little bit more optimistic today, having written nearly half of the acquired amount. Almost there then, aren't I? I might even have time for a little break; I'm planning a little date on Friday after my meeting with my tutor. Just what I need, someone telling me I'll be fine, and maybe a little kissing...

But no, I didn't mean I'd kiss my tutor. That too would be downright stupid.

Baby Update

At 10.42 it arrived at DHL, Bergen. But this is how it works: the shipment is sent to its final destination, but the paperwork for customs is made in Oslo. And then I guess DHL gets clearance via some computer program connected to the customs office. Last update told me that it was delayed at clearance, but honestly, don't they have any respect for sick people? Take an early Friday, while I'm left here to perish? Totally out of the question, if you ask me.

Reduction

So, is this what it's coming down to? How disappointing. As it appears now, studying at the University is nothing more than trying to beat a deadline. What happened to my inspiration and desire to learn?

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll bounce back soon (and that better be very soon, another deadline is just around the corner...), it's not all that bad. I still love to learn, in fact I think I learn new things everyday. But perhaps not the right thing at the right time! In the end though, I'm pretty confident that it'll all make sense. I firmly believe that everything is connected in some way or the other, but sometimes you're just standing too close to see it. Sounds like I should take a break, and step back a little. Too bad I didn't win the lottery this weekend.

But I did finish that assignment last night, in the exact same manner as the last one. Start write when the sun sets and then finish an hour after midnight, only to hand in some inferior hackwork at lunchtime the following day. I'm not very proud of that, but seems it's the way I work nowadays. If speed was a trait I could produce a potboiler in three weeks.

Printer Problems

I have just bought me a new printer, so hopefully I don't have to turn to this solution.

Hodgepodge

I sit down here, with every intention of writing a post. There's a lot I would like to discuss, and I even start out on a few. Write a sentence or two, only to delete them seconds later. "I'm off again. This time the occasion is my brothers birthday. He's all grown up now." shift+home, delete and the screen is blank again. Not that I don't want to tell you about my dear brother and the rest of my wonderful family, but then again, why should I? I can write about the party next week, if I'll survive it. "Please help me, I'm so frustrated." Sure, that one is deleted as well. I mean, what's the big news? 4 years, and I'm still a mess. Ups and downs coming so fast I don't have time to adjust, not to mention how my friends need to be around to watch the turmoil. And talking about friends. "How far does your rights stretch? Is it wrong to accidently listen in on a conversation, even if it is about you?" Deleted. I didn't know how to pursue that one. When it happened I got all these brilliant ideas about the self and the "ownership" of it, but as always it seems like I'm incapable of holding these thoughts together. They get all tangled up in the clutter that is constantly present in my brain. I am soo tired of it. It feels like I'm a pressure cooker, just about to explode. And the question is-

Should I turn off the heat, or try to vent out the steam?

Pic is "stolen", this time from Gary Pruner. Hope he doesn't mind.

Who Else...

...but me, would spend an entire afternoon republishing every singel post in her blog? Well, not everyone, I have only worked my way through 50 of them so far. If I continue at this pace I just might be finished before my exams. And why all this trouble? If anyone hasn't guessed it yet, I'm a controlfreak. (In a sort of complicated, unorganized way.) I simply like systems that work.

And with this new Beta Blogger I can label my posts, and I think that's a nice feature. But the old posts won't go tagging themselves, so I have to do it. Yes, that's right. Have to. All 192 of them.

Alarming?

Yesterday I did a few things, and I'm not too sure about how well they reflect my current mental condition. Firstly I went to the music shop to listen to a new record I thought I'd like to buy. I did buy it, plus two more, and I guess that wasn't really smart considering all the expenses I've had lately. Then when I got home I should've been sitting all afternoon and evening with my books, and did so for a little while. But I got distracted (again), and pulled out my dustcovered sewingmachine to make those pillowcases I'd been planning to do for ages! The evening I spent watching TV like a lethargic imbecile.

So one would imagine that sooner or later I'd get my act together and start reading properly, but today has been even worse. I started out with what I initially had in mind but somehow I just slid over to a much more fun project. Redesigning my blog that is. A whole weekend without accomplishing much useful, apart from having a little bit of fun. Then again, that is exactly what I need.

But the alarming thing, is that I feel a bit indifferent to the prospect of failing. Can somebody please wake me up?

Freezer Rules

I wrote a post about happiness last week, and there were a few things I thought I'd say, but then changed my mind. I wanted to say that happiness should be more than absence of pain and misery. But now I changed my mind again, you see, it made me quite happy to know I don't have to put up with this kind of shit anymore:



You might think this looks like something from the kitchen area at a juvenile correctional institution, but it isn't. So then again it makes me equally unhappy that someone else dear to me still has to endure this.

Needles & Pins

Imagine crying over a lost needle. Sounds pretty silly, don't you think? Well, my son came over the other day, and kindly asked me if I could sew the loose button back on his pants. In my previous life I would have gone straight to the drawer where I kept my sewing accessories, and fixed it immediately. My exhusband always thought my drawers were in a complete chaotic state, and he may have been right, but I never had any problem finding what I needed when I needed it. One of my dreams back then was also to have a room to myself were I could keep my sewing machine and everything else important to me. My space, filled with tools for all my hobbies.

And now? I don't even know where my needles are, and trying to find one reminds me too painfully how much things have changed. A lot for the better though, but I still wish I had a private space. Not to mention the time to use it.

I sincerely hope Catherine Jamieson won't mind me "stealing" her picture. Take a look at her site; beautiful photos indeed.

Raging Bull

I believe my starsign and my current mood make me qualify for this title. So what's up now? Pretty much the same, but I'm exhausted. Sick and tired of trying to do the right thing and never get anything in return. Ok, "anything" maybe wasn't the right word, but I feel it doesn't really pay off living the way I am. Too bad I have a conscience, otherwise I think I would start stealing, lying and cheating as so many others do. A little murder now and again?

I'm not religious, but the fundamentals in most religions hold some very good values, I think. And apart from the first three Commandments actually related to God, I believe I'm sticking better to them than some Christians do. (Or maybe not, shamefully I must admit I break another one almost everyday. My excuse though, is that I consider myself the only hurting part.) Boasting about how "good" I am is not exactly a very appealing trait, and by doing that I probably commit one of the cardinals sins too. I guess I have committed more than one actually, so maybe I'm not such a good person afterall? However, I've found out that it's possible to be both virtuous and "sinful" at the same time. Quite conflicting and confusing, 'cause by being overly virtuous you would possibly also fall into the seven sins. The aim must then be to stay on the Golden Mean?

So if I was religious I could at least say I would get paid in heaven, on the other hand maybe I would try to get an early withdrawal then? No, I think I rather stay here, sooner or later it has to work out.

Hope is the last thing we surrender, and thank God(!) for that.

Brrr - It's Cold In Here

Went shopping today for some groceries. Among other things a large bottle of Italian Pure Grapeseed Oil. I read the label. "Keep in a cool place. Away from light and heat." Yeah. Might have a problem there. No space left in the fridge. Yeah. Think I just keep it in my bed.

All Things Must Come To An End?

Maybe it's not the end, but I think I need a break at least. So nighty-night little blog, sweet dreams. See you then...

Do Not Cross

I was thinking I did a pretty good job staying on the right side, not crossing the Line. Then I started to think; did I really know where the Line was? Who drew the Line in the first place? And even more important; how could I be sure that there weren't a number of lines, each looking differently depending on the view? Is my Line the same as yours? Or how about his Line?

My suspicion is that the above assumptions may indeed contain some truth; and therefore might explain why I keep stumbling all the time. There simply are too many Lines, and I can't see them!

I need a map, I need someone to tell me where the freakin' Line is.

Safe Landing?

Hey? Where did the wind go? Where's my updraft? Give me just a little bit more so I don't fall to the ground too soon. I'm losing hight rapidly, and I don't wanna hit the rocks. Please? Only a gust?

High as a kite

This is almost alarming, but I am in a tremendously good mood, in spite of having a deadline on Thurday and then another one the week after that. It feels like I have all the time in the world, and I know I don't. It's not that I don't care, but I believe my essays are just about good enough to pass the censor. (I wonder if I get extra points if I mark the weak spots in red, 'cause I do know where they are...) What's more important to me is that I've learned a lot that won't show on my exam, knowledge that I will bring forward.

So what happened here, then? I mean, last week I was a nervous wreck, who didn't think I could make it even if I sat in front of the computer 24/7. To top it off, it became evident that there had been some miscommunication between my daughter and myself. In an effort (I think) to spare me, 'cause she knew I had a lot to do, I didn't get the note from school which declared that I had to bake 50 nicely decorated gingerbreadhearts and 3 Christmas logs, exquisitely packed and ready for sale. All this I found out on Friday, and the schools fair was on Sunday. Now my study weekend was pretty much lost, there was baking to do, and oops, my daughter had a basketball game on Saturday, had to drive her there - the father was of course not available, and then the actual fair inclusive a 3 hour duty. And you know me, was it good enough to wrap the bloody bread in some foil? Nooo, I had to open up PhotoShop and design some exclusive labels to print out and stick on the bags. They did sell very quickly, though, while the burned one in cheap plastic foil didn't. (Losers...)

It's interesting how I seem to relate everything I do lately to that old freak Freud, just because I've been raeding some of his works this semester, but I realized when I had the choice of fulfilling my obligations to other (my daughter, the school and the fair) or my obligations to myself (and in the end the finances) I rather did the first instead of just take the critisism. They surely wouldn't have put me to jail or anything... I usually twist myself really hard to see that I do what is expected of me, and why? Just so I can say I'm good, and doing the right thing? (And I don't steal other peoples parking lots!)

The reason for my high spirits might be as simple I have recieved a few compliments from various unexpected sources. There's actually written "proof" that I'm wonderful! I wasn't so sure about that, but the more you hear it... Don't give me to much, though, I'll probably end up all too conceited!

Broken

MeMyselfAndIMHO

There’s usually an upside to everything, and being a self-analyzing, slightly obsessed semi-neurotic keeps me from never running out of topics for writing. But a touch of schizophrenia would sometimes be useful as well, then it wouldn’t be all about me...

Peeing My Pants

My essay was supposed to be handed in by Friday, and as I'm going away Thursday morning I thought I'd rather finish my writing tomorrow, Wednesday. But today I was relieved to learn that the due-date has been postponed until next Tuesday, and immediate I leaned back in my chair and imagined I had all the time in the world. But that, my friend, is really like wet yourself to keep warm.

Regardless, I'm happy for the extra time 'cause I'm kind of stuck now. Partly I'm not really sure how philosophical I can keep this text and still meet the expectations regarding reference to the curriculum and required reading. But hey, What the Hack, I think I'll stick to my personal style and see what happens. That's usually a good idea, why not this time?

The other reason for my struggel with the writing is that other wet dream I've had lately (without peeing my pants). The one about the boat. Yeh, I know, you've heard it before. I even said we already bought the freakin' ship, but the thing is we really weren't sure. Should we go for the one that seemed to be a safe (as safe as a boat can be) investment, but perhaps lacking a bit charm, or should we decide upon the one we really fell for? The one which probably had a lot of hidden problems? Mind or heart? But there was also a third alternative... a lovely lady who had it all - tons of charm, regulary inspected (without negative comments!) but of course she seemed to be out of our reach, we're not that rich. In fact, we're not rich at all. I for my part am only repeating my usual stunt. Spend my savings on something I believe in.

I am a great believer. And I belive in many things, fate and destiny being two of my favourites. Or do they count as one? Anyway, according to that we might actually end up with the dreamboat afterall! Guess her name? Frigg!


For you who are too lazy to link, I'll just tell you that Frigg was the wife of Odin, and she was the only one who knew humans fate almost as well as her husband did, back in the good old Viking days. I wonder how they kept warm?...