Communicare Necesse Est!

Had such great plans for writing this weekend, with so much clogged up in my heart and mind that I needed to let go of. But here I am, Sunday evening, and no words to show for. Somehow though, it doesn't feel that important. You see, the writing was supposed to help me clear my thoughts, but they're actually not that obscure after all. Good for me, but it also means I have to find other purposes for my scribblings.

But I'll tell you this, it has been one bumpy ride these last few weeks. Not that I haven't been on those before; on the contrary, it seems I'm jumping from one to another all the time. But it's not always I find them quite as accelerated. First there was a week with an insane mix of wild anticipation for something extraordinary that might happen and also an excruciating worry for potentially being without income from next month on. Extreme emotions rushed through me, which then culminated in a most bizarre weekend. Sunday afternoon I was kinda shattered, but fortunately I've got a very trusting friend who picked up what was left of me. As always.

Monday and Tuesday went by in a haze, while trying not to let the tears show too much at work. The other candidates applying for "my" job came for their interviews, and while being showed around the library I smiled as nothing was wrong. Neither with me personally, nor with the absurd situation of greeting someone who doesn't know I'm a competitor for the position. Wednesday afternoon it was my turn to be interviewed. Last in line, and then I could only wait.

While I was doing all this crying, silent at work and out loud at home, I was also thinking. I knew that it all had some real significance, even if things hadn't evolved the way I'd hoped for. My work as a therapist was an issue as well as my personal life, inevitably intertwined as they are. So when I left work on Wednesday I had more or less regained my confidence, in some ways even increased it. After that it was one "victory" after another. The course I'm attending to become a volunteer worker at the crisis chat gave me such a boost, I'd apparently done a splendid job last time in one of my conversations. Pleasing for me obviously, but even better for the ones who will use this service. But I must admit that it was actually very important for me that day, to know that my communication skills hadn't been just an illusion. 'Cause it sure felt like that on Saturday...

Thursday came next positive surprise - I was ahead of the others, and if everyone agrees at the Directorate I'll soon have a permanent position where I am right now. Now, that's a relief. And I really look forward to be even more involved in their plans and visions.

Last piece of redemption was accomplished Friday evening as I was holding the first meeting for our newly formed association for Angelos therapists. The meeting went very well, and I think we're on to something really inventive and rewarding.

Once again it's late and I need to get to bed, but I'll give you a quote from my Thinkexist-account before I go. Richard Bach said it well:

“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”