I'm On My Way

After last course weekend a lot of things have changed, and I'm truly on my way. To you it might not be obvious where the change is, cause I've been talking about this before, many times - getting the 40 client appointments and becoming a healer/therapist. But I must admit I didn't really believe it myself, wasn't at all convinced. Still needed that confirmation that I "had it in me". But I do. It's as simple as that. That also means I have to work like hell in order to meet the requirements before May.

The way I'm choosing here really is the highway, and nothing for pussies. A voyage with a one way ticket, 'cause there's no end destination. The goal is to be a little bit more myself everyday, but the day I feel I can't evolve anymore I've lost.

I'm also on my way for a few days of heaven in another direction, and I'm counting days. A weekend filled with bliss, nice food and drink, and the best of company at my favorite retreat will do me good. I so deserve it.

Apologies

I looked through previous post and saw that something very important was missing, and what was left gave the impression that I was accusing everybody of lying to me. Or it could look like that. On the other hand, only those with a not so clear conscious would have felt guilty, right? Anyhow, the point wasn't to vent my spleen over some innocent remarks, but I actually had a memorable encounter recently, with someone whom I after while suspected to be a pathological liar. Interesting evening indeed, and at the beginning he seemed to be quite normal. Charming and courteous. And the stories he told I had no reason to doubt. Later though he seemed to be more out of control, his speech almost shifted, and the stories lacked logic. I just played along, it was quite funny. And very educational; one more character to cross of my list. Next time I'll recognize the type...

Tall Tales & Lies

I wonder - how tall can a tale get before it tumbles? Probably depends on the ground it's standing on.

Recently I've had some encounters and experiences which had me thinking about the concept of lying. What is a lie to start with? You could say it's something untrue. I think most people have a feeling that lies are deliberate, and that the liar has an absolute intent of deceiving for some reason. But the motifs for telling a lie are not always clear, not even to the liar, and sometimes he (or she) might not be aware of the falsity at all. Or he might know it's not true but only a story, and that the "recipient" share that belief. Here the lie appears when there's a discrepancy between intended meaning and the perception of it .

We've all heard about white lies, the ones we tell to spare someone from getting hurt. And from an objective point they seem justifiable as well. But personally I think one should be just as careful with them, 'cause at least I need to relate to facts and truth in order to progress. It might feel bad at the time but so much better in the long run.

My brother had a boss once (also the founder of the company) who was a compulsive liar, or a mythomaniac. This man seemed to be so absorbed by his own stories, that he just couldn't see how preposterous they were. Places he'd been and things he'd done, all so fantastic that it was obvious to everyone (except himself) that he was lying. The thing is; when you meet someone like that, you also know that not everything is a lie, but how to separate them from the truths? When small kids tell these exaggerated stories (and they do!) it can be kinda cute, but they will most of the time learn to limit their imaginations. If not they grow up to be like Baron von Münchhausen, who flew to the Moon and pulled himself out of a swamp by his own hair...

I see now I've been told quite a few lies, only because I wanted to believe; and that's make me the guilty one, not the liars. These are small innocent lies, probably said with best intentions, but I still feel my intelligence is insulted somehow. Don't do that, please.

Singing Out

My daughter will probably be immensely annoyed if she finds out what I'm going to write now, but I'm pretty confident she won't. She doesn't read my blog, and I definitely don't visit her on Facebook, or any other spaces she might have. But it's not like I'm telling a secret, the whole country will know soon anyway. She just don't want me to make a fuzz about it. But how could I not?

A couple of years ago this Swedish singer Caroline af Ugglas came up with an idea of famous singers/musicians forming choirs, consisting of 20 people from their hometown, which then should compete on TV. Each week one choir is sent home. In Sweden they have run 2 seasons, and in the USA, NBC adapted this idea into Clash of the Choirs. Now the time has come for Norway to try out the format. And by now you've probably guessed the rest as well? Yes, my youngest ("the monster"), is picked out to be one of the choir members...

This was not the post I wanted to write. I have so much to say, and so little idea of how to do it! Where did my skills go? Disguising the plot as something everyday and trivial, making it more digestible. But maybe that is the thing? Maybe I should sing out too? I asked for plain words myself, didn't I? I could always experiment with my writing somewhere else; on the other hand it's here (so far anyway), that I find the inspiration to play with the words like this. Give me a blank paper, and my brain goes blank too.

Another thing I've been doing, is working on my web-site for my "healing activities". A site where I tell you about what I do, a little about the "tools", and how you can contact me if you would like to be one of my 40 cases I need for graduating the course. (To you, commander - I checked and you are approved! Well, actually it's up to me how I regard it... I have to approve of you.) When the site is ready all you have to do is ask for the address - I won't be posting a link here.

Glorious Moments

Finally I got the incentive I needed to unpack those last boxes left from the move, and get the apartment in shape. Still have pictures to hang (although I won't be doing all due to the stupid regulations here...), and some curtains to sew for the living room. Funny how the prospect of receiving guests can wake you up from hibernation! And even if the travel plans won't work, my flat will at least be more like a home.

Today I've been swirling around like the Minuano finishing various tasks, like would you believe it - carry away two large bags full of autumn leaves! It was so strange; when I came back from Sweden last month I noticed that my entrance was piled up with dry brown leaves, and also that mine was the only one. All of the neighbors' looked clear to me, but I figured it had something to with winds and location. For a second though I suspected someone to have played a trick on me... I've been walking in and out of this for weeks now, but today I cleaned it up. Looks so much better. And I also went back to the old flat and picked up my bike, the garden table and some odd things that I left behind.

Then the two oldest came over with Chinese Take-Away. Nice treat for a mother's day I think. And my daughter had made this beautiful bouquet with white, pink and red roses which she gave to me on behalf of all three, along with a card saying "World's Best Mum". Today I actually feel quite alright; even important, as someone just told me I am.

Winter Murmuring

Seriously - how am I supposed to be doing any reading when I've got a head that's killing me? I usually don't get headaches like this, but it's probably due to the antibiotics. I'll just have to live with it I guess, and in the meantime do other things that don't require as much concentration. Like baking Macadamia Shortbread and sewing pot holders. And writing blogposts as you can see. All these activities are relaxing, things I know how to do. Maybe I should just do that? Stick to things I know?

The snow is falling now, it's all white, and I wish I was elsewhere. But very soon I need to make this draft for tomorrow, no way out. It won't be as substantial as I would have liked it to be, but this is no news for you. You've heard it all before. After that meeting with my lecturer I have a whole weekend in front of me, and no plans. Not that I usually have that many plans, but now I'm itchy. Really need to do something. Like making snow angels perhaps? I wish I had wings now myself; then I'd fly away. Maybe someone remembered to put out food out on the veranda? Angels too need feeding in winter times.

Sharpen Up

Luxurious or just quality-conscious? I've been invited to this party which got me thinking. There will be a jacuzzi and plenty of champagne, and I presume a lot of people with fat wallets. Somehow I don't see myself in that kind of setting, so I think I'll pass. But what exactly am I rejecting here? Let's isolate the entities.

Take the hot tub for instance: I wouldn't mind that. Not at all... Not the champagne either, even in combination with the previous. Money? Is that the problem then? Not really; I'd love to have some. So what's left is the setting then. A bunch of strangers talking about fast cars and ski resorts... (It could also have something to do with prospect of being in a swimsuit together with women looking like they stepped out of Vogue. But let's not go down that road...)

What is luxury? I guess most people think of luxury as the first explanation in dictionary.com; as "a material object, service, etc., conducive to sumptuous living, usually a delicacy, elegance, or refinement of living rather than a necessity", like a Breitling. We can agree that luxury cost money, and it seems like a lot of people enjoy luxury simply because it shows the world they're rich. In a way I also love luxury, but more due to the qualities that usually goes with it. I am a snob sometimes, I can admit that, but not for the sake of it. I just love things that work, and a my old IKEA knives can't be compared to the Wüsthofs I want...

But talking about those dull knives, I have now at least bought me a new sharpener. Since the live one (cook/knife expert) isn't always around when I need him, I have to equip myself with tools that do the work for me. Like a Chef'sChoice Model 460 - the MultiEdge™ manual knife sharpener. Not sure if those IKEA things ever will be OK, but they're better than before anyway.

There are more tools I need as replacement for strong hands, and I was also promised company to the hardware store. If that doesn't happen, I'll go by myself - just saw on TV that there's a 20% discount on selected brands.

Dr Feelgood

Yay, I was right - he definitely wanted to see me. (By the way, he could almost be on my list as well, had he been someone else's G.P.! He's got the brains and looks, and very gentle hands.) That he managed to fit me into his schedule unfortunately means I'm on antibiotics for a week... Not sick really, but a nasty skin infection which I couldn't treat by myself. But it won't scar and I'll be as beautiful as before... ha, ha. The pills will kick in almost immediately, so I see no reason for not being social this coming weekend. Clean and germfree...

Book Of Faces

I'm not afraid to spend time on my own, I rather enjoy it in fact. From time to time at least. As tonight I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to construct my days in order to be a more efficient student, and my only company is a glass of wine and the TV. The movie that's on isn't particularly good, but with Sean Bean as a flight captain I'm not complaining...

One thing I'm lacking is focus, I get so easily distracted. Procrastination has been almost a hype word, but there's definitely something to it. I'm an expert at "delaying tasks with counterproductive, needless behavior". Like writing blogposts instead of reading up on my literature. Walter Ong with his Orality and Literacy is waiting and so is a brick of a book on Philosophy and Computer Science.

One way is to use the blog more consciously, and turn it more academic. Probably won't though, but at least tonight I'd like to say something about Facebook. With over 150 million active users, and blessed by the pope this is a site "everyone" is familiar with in some way or another. What might surprise you though, is that I haven't been much of a regular user, in spite of being very much into digital culture in general. I'm actually quite skeptic. I did join Facebook about 2 years ago, but only because a few of the students at a course I attended thought that would be a good way of keeping us together; sharing ideas and stay updated although we were spread around town doing our practice. I already had my blog back than, and wasn't that keen on putting too much effort into yet another application. And I also noticed that the girls who suggested it in the first place already were regular users, and everything sort got mixed up. I wasn't particularly interested in which party they were going to that or this weekend. Bottom line - I didn't feel like I needed Facebook.

Two years later Facebook is like I said, something almost everyone is using, or so it seems. The user interface of any online paper lets us tie whatever we're reading to our Facebook wall, if that's what we want to. I also have friends who use the site very constructively, building networks related to their field of work or studies. And in two years the possibilities within the application itself has obviously improved, making it a lot easier to manage your content and restrict access to your profile. That last point is still the main reason I'm not a huge fan of the site, and I'll tell you why.

(This is not Saturday evening anymore; I lost the internet connection and had to continue tonight, which is Sunday...) OK, I logged on to Facebook, a friend of mine had posted on my "Wall", asking if it was a long movie. Ha, she was just being funny, but I saw her point. Newbie as I am I didn't think of updating frequently, and my last word on "What are you doing right now?" said "Karin is going to the movies" which was posted like 26 hours earlier. Anyway, I removed that statement and withdrew. But as long as I was there I could do so searching, couldn't I? First I searched for an old friend I haven't seen for a while now. She's married to my ex husband's best friend, and we used to hang out a lot. But you know how it is, it's not easy to maintain relationships like that after a divorce. The reason for searching for though, was that she'd ran into my daughter a couple of weeks ago, and told her she's been looking for me on Facebook but couldn't find me. I realized she must have searched with my married name, and I'm not known by that anymore...

What I find a little bit disturbing is that so many people display so much on their profile; personal history, family pictures, group memberships, and so on. And everything is fully accessible to anyone! I know, 'cause curious as I am (had I been a cat I'd be dead all 9 times over), I did a little more searching on various names from my past (and present). If I ever knew any Johnson or Svensson those wouldn't be easy to find, but the ones with rare names... I felt a little uneasy I must admit as I was looking into the private lives of people I merely share a connection with. I know him, he knows her, and she knows someone else... The thing is that these people won't know I've seen their profiles and pictures of their kids. I almost feel like a stalker, and I don't like it.

Digital cultures and media is my field of studies; nevertheless - I too fall into the pits sometimes, being too naive, so I can't help but wonder how easy it is for the majority of these 150 million users to ignore the "risks". You might say I'm being just as exposed with my blog, but at least you can't find that one by simply Googling my name!

Late - again- and I need to get some sleep. Have to see my doctor tomorrow, hopefully he'll let me in even if I don't have an appointment. My bet is that he will... can tell you more another day. Good night, my friends.