Epiphany...

... is one of my favorite words, and which the dictionary explains as "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience." I had one yesterday evening, but it was too late to put it in writing. It's about writing too.

For you who read this blog it's quite obvious I like to write, something I even need to do. This isn't something new, way back when I was a kid it was my absolute favorite subject. I didn't have much problem with any subjects really, but as soon as our teacher handed out blank papers I was thrilled. And gone. While I was writing I was in another world, a world where everything was possible. For some reason though that stopped, sometimes during my teenage years. For some reason? In fact I remember a very specific episode that changed the way I felt about writing, and it happened at such a vulnerable period as well. I was 17.

I can't remember what the topic was, but I do remember the feeling I tried to create. It was a story set in a different time, maybe the 19th century? If the story was any good is not the point, but that uninspired teacher I had criticized me for something I knew wasn't wrong. A syntax "error". In a way she was right, the most common way to write that sentence was her way, but in order to set that scenery right I felt my way was better. The problem was she wouldn't think of the possibility that we both could be right. Anyway, a small thing like that shouldn't be significant for me writing or not, but I think it contributed to make me aware of the fact that writing can be criticized at all. I wasn't prepared for that. Suddenly I was conscious about being understood; if she didn't "get" my meaning maybe no one would? Of course there are many other reasons as well for not writing any longer, but I think something changed there.

It's hard to recollect what you actually thought at some point in your life, after 20 or so years you can't be sure if that thought really occurred or if you just construct it afterwards to make fit into your explanations. I mean, I couldn't swear I thought that much about writing when I was younger. Sometimes I feel I didn't have any dreams at all of my future life, like I never had a plan. But if I once did think I'd like to be writer, I soon rejected that idea as impossible. Maybe I was caught up in that 150 year old romantic idea that the Artist's inspiration is divine and nothing that could be taught. Either you got or you don't, and if you do got it you simply live it out. Me not doing anything out of my creative skills was for me a proof it wasn't meant to be.

My perspective is a little different now, and I have over the last years been thinking a lot about "the Creative Artist" in general, how he works, why, when , if, and so on. I'm lucky enough to know a few specimen in person so I can study them closely. And they are as different, as people in general are. And they all have very different stories of how they came to their profession. One I know, has always known, there was simply no other option for her but the Academy of Arts, and she's been doing her thing for all her life. Nothing else, and no buts. Another walked various paths first, tried to fit in to the expectations, and he also holds a university degree in something very different. But to me I think that actually is what makes this artist so brilliant, his experience and knowledge from other areas clearly has an imprint on his art now.

I don't know if you noticed, but so far I haven't told you anything about my epiphany. Sorry. I'm so tedious I even exhaust myself! Let's go.

It's about imagination. And that's something a writer needs. I don't know if you have the same feeling I do about that word, but for me has so far been closely connected to fantasy - things that don't happen. Until now I haven't thought I could write anything without some sort of personal experience. But something a friend said to me yesterday on the phone changed that. The day before I had given her a piece of advice, a sudden thought that struck my mind regarding something she's involved with at the moment. Well, on the phone yesterday she said she was so glad for those words, it had really helped seeing herself. And I guess that's imagination. Seeing something that's possible in any world, something that could happen, even if it won't apply to me right then. I have until now been very conscious about everything being true when I write, but I think everything you can imagine is true. On an universal level.