The Gloomy Days Are Over

It looks promising, this new year has started out real nice. So if I’m in a good mood, what am I supposed to write about then? Have no idea, but since this isn’t a job and I don’t get paid for writing here, my postings might appear more sparsely. And besides, when I started to write this blog, a friend of mine asked: Why? and that is actually a very good question. Why do I put my thoughts and frustrations out here in the open? In the beginning I didn’t have any choice, since it was part of a course, but later on I simply regarded it as a safety valve, letting steam out when the tension built up.

And now I’ve found out that I love to write. I always have actually, I just didn’t do it for nearly twenty years. But doing it so publicly as in a blog, has recently made me feel a bit vulnerable. On an abstract level and realated to my field of study it’s kind of interesting, but as a private person I’m not so sure anymore. How do I know that I'm not misunderstood or misinterpreted? Who am I in the blogospere? Is it my real me or is it fiction? I believe the questions are innumerable. Also I have personally witnessed what people with bad intentions can do to someone that is trusting and open, so If I am going to continue this I have to be more careful with the content, I think.

Another thing is that over these past three years so much has happened to me and I have evolved as a person, hopefully and probably for the better. With that I have gained a new confidence, and I’m not so confused these days. In my case I think a lot of my postings have come to life in a state of utter distress or total bewilderment. (I hope it doesn’t sound like I mean the rest of the blogging-world consists of flaky and unsecure nuerotics! There are a lot of intelligent, sane bloggers around. None mentioned, none forgotten...) What I’m trying to say is that I’m not that desperate for affirmation any longer, I have developed a more true sense of my identity and value now. Thanks for that, my friends, you know who you are.

I’m pretty sure there still will be tears, that’s part of life, but I have made a few decisions now and that feels good. Being more at ease with the situation I think I can look forward to a much better year than the last one, and my new motto is: easy does it.

In the meantime: read a book!