In My Sphere

As it has been established for quite some time now that the Earth is round (or spherical), not flat, it shouldn't be any danger involved pushing ones boundaries, right? Seeking out my limits shouldn't mean I will fall off the edge of the Earth? I guess when I broaden my horizons the way I am now, the only thing I risk is seeing the whole World then? Exciting thought. I'll send you a post card...

Ogres, Beasts & Trolls

Growing up as an imaginary princess has made me aware of the "necessity" of a prince. The purpose of this fantasy character has (obviously) changed over the years, but in searching for that magical being I've at least discovered some crucial and constant traits that need to be present. But I also wonder if there might be a scientific approach to this problem, since real life is quite far from a fairy tale? Could someone tell me the official frog/prince ratio, if there is one? 10 to 1? 100 to 1? More, most likely. And how's the math regarding the actual assignment of princes? I mean if you're lucky enough to once have encountered a handsome nobleman, and he then rides off into the sunset without you, is that it? A 1 to 1 ratio for princes/princesses, which mean you the next time have to settle for a toad?

And further, doesn't it seem like the princess always has to prove she's the real thing, by sleeping on peas and other unpleasant activities, while the prince just can claim he's a royal under a spell and then the princess willingly kisses him despite being both grim and slimy. No need for hard work or evidence there, right? But I guess that's not the "princes’" faults, it's probably we princesses that should start question the authenticity of these seductive sovereigns without letting them too close. Maybe we should suspect that not all smooth-talkers are princes in disguise. And that not all spells are made to be broken by a princess. Some princes might need to do that work by themselves. Blood, sweat, and tears.

I never post anything without reading it through, several times, to make sure it's somewhat close to what I had in mind, and as I read this I can see how you might interpret this. "Bitter and disillusioned, right?" Now, I didn’t say that, and as I told you the other day that "I’m no real princess, after all" I reckon I don’t need a real prince either. I actually find frogs quite charming, to be honest.

Mirage

Deb said in a comment here the other day that "it all works out in the end!", and presume she's right, it still rises a few questions. (For returning readers it's kind of obvious I keep coming back to the same model - to follow any statement by questions, but please let me know if this is starting to be too repetetive and boring.)

• How far away is the end really?
• And which end are we talking about here? (Not the end, I hope. I'd actually like it to work out in good time before I draw my last breath, having time to enjoy it.)
• Why does this end always seem like a mirage? As soon as I think I'm getting there, it disappears or moves further away.

In my answer I also pointed out that I'm still the same old cynic, but I know that isn't how I actually feel. That is my writing persona. Even though I've mentioned before, the possibility that I might give a misleading portay of myself, it has now dawned on me how true that is. But not from what I write, more from how I write, I think. I've got a very honest opinion from my oldest friend (hope she won't mind me sharing this), which might explain:

When I first started to write this blog, she read it more or less as frequently as I posted. In the beginning she enjoyed it, and gave me compliments on how "well written" it was. But she also expressed a certain uneasyness; she couldn't really fathom that it was me writing it! It was like she stumbled upon the words of a total stranger, if it hadn't been for references to actual events we'd shared there was nothing telling it was me behind those words. Now she hardly ever visits this place, 'cause when doing so the real person she's known for 18 years seem more like an illusion.

All this made me thinking - what about people who get to know me trough my writing first? Not that I should be a disappointment, but I'm sure I appear very differently. (If they ever get to meet me, apparently my words can lure some people to think I'm too advanced for them. Now that one really is a joke...) And again - which is the true me then? Of course the living, breathing, loving part is the true one, but my writing is a necessity as well. I might just have to find another outlet for that steam. Somewhere I could disregard the lines in between, 'cause sometimes words are just that. Words.

Wind In My Hair

Remember that old wine I told you about a month ago? Well, I didn't open it that day after all. Right now I can't remember why, but it doesn't matter anyway. Today though I felt like having a glass, and that bottle was the only thing I had. So here I am, watching Sweden vs. Spain (1-1, 73 minutes into the game), drinking Spanish wine, and trying to find my Swedish roots. Which in my family is inevitably linked to watching soccer.

What about the wine than? It's pretty clear now that the conditions haven't been the best, I think I can detect a slightly sour taste. Just a hint, and it's still drinkable, but I'm glad I didn't have to impose this on someone I care about. If there's a lesson her I don't know, but maybe there's a time and place for everything, and some things can't wait?

Anywhos... This is the last week before the holidays starts, and I don't think I've ever wanted and longed for it as much as I do now. Sure I need it too, I think most people I know would agree. And this one will be a long one too, with enough time catch some wind, both at sea and on land. Nothin's like a convertible to mess up your hair...

But before letting myself into this wirlwind of exciting adventures, I have that oral exam to pass on Monday. Let's not make a big fuzz about it though; I was so extremely happy to have finished the written part I'm rather indifferent about the whole thing now. Whether I get this or that grade doesn't matter that much right now. I have far more important things on my mind these days.

Finally it seems I'm getting closer to where I wanna be (I might have said this before...), but it hasn't come free. Hard work is what it takes, and determination. And never let anyone boss you around. Never. Simple, right? It's like navigating in a way. Study your chart, choose your destination, pin out the coordinates and set sail. Just stay clear of grounds and reefs, and take extra care while crossing open waters.

Seems like I always come back to the same point - water. And what a good point it is! The source of life, the source of everything one might say. In it, under it, on it, with it, living it.

PS. As always, there's no way for you to know how long it takes for me to write a post unless I tell you, and usually it won't matter. This one though took forever, and it could make a difference. 'Cause while I was spending some quality time with my daughters the wine improved, and in the end it was almost pleasurable, like everything bad was forgotten.

Just pulling your leg a little. Perhaps there are no analogies, lessons or anything? Life is just what it is, and you better participate while it passes by? I for one am planning to do just that. No more waiting for life to start. Sounds like an epiphany, doesn't it? DS.

Update, with no significance to the point here: Sweden lost the game.

Imagination & Expectations

The content and form of my scribblings varies a lot. A good thing I hope, but why depends on several factors. Sometimes I use the blog as some kind of online diary, telling about everyday trivia such as haircuts and perfumes, and it's just that. Shorter hair and nice smell. Other times I have an urge to convey something really important to me, but instead of blurting it out I might disguise it inside a seemingly nonessential topic. Like haircuts and perfumes. So you never know, in fact I'm not sure if I always know myself! Sometimes I can read through a post later and realize I've revealed more of my inner thoughts than intended. The subconscious is playing tricks all the time... The point is it has to be up to the reader to make whatever they want out of what I write.

I feel I haven't been "together" for a long time now, and I guess my writing to some extent reflects that. In danger of appearing conceited I must admit that I'm occasionally get a little rush when I feel I've written something scintillating. And I must also say I haven't felt that rush in while. Feel most writing has been a little forced, but I'm sure it'll come back. I think it might have something to do with concentration and letting myself into the flow. Until my concentration span stretches beyond that of a Dobermann's I'll just send out (incoherent?) fragments of my scattered thoughts and reflections. Here's one:

I can only speak for myself, but this probably applies to more, if not everybody. The way we learn is through experience, we learn through our mistakes and successes. If something works we're bound to try to repeat it, but if it isn't what do we do then? We imagine what we want, we build an idea of how things should or could be. A machine or a piece of equipment is fine in that respect that it has no feelings, no life on its own. And we most of the time know what to expect out of it. People on the other hand are a totally different matter.

One thing is to imagine how things could be, another to actually believe a better outcome is possible. I think our expectations are based on what we have experienced so far, and those expectations might have a stronger impact on us than the images of what we really want have, and in that way our (subconscious) expectations are preventing us from progress.

Well, talk about being fragmentary! I'm not sure I manged to carry through even this little thought, it's like it's hanging mid air. I know I had some wonderful insights I wanted to share, but now they seem to be hiding somewhere again. It can't be helped, I'll press the publish post button anyway...

Epiphany...

... is one of my favorite words, and which the dictionary explains as "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience." I had one yesterday evening, but it was too late to put it in writing. It's about writing too.

For you who read this blog it's quite obvious I like to write, something I even need to do. This isn't something new, way back when I was a kid it was my absolute favorite subject. I didn't have much problem with any subjects really, but as soon as our teacher handed out blank papers I was thrilled. And gone. While I was writing I was in another world, a world where everything was possible. For some reason though that stopped, sometimes during my teenage years. For some reason? In fact I remember a very specific episode that changed the way I felt about writing, and it happened at such a vulnerable period as well. I was 17.

I can't remember what the topic was, but I do remember the feeling I tried to create. It was a story set in a different time, maybe the 19th century? If the story was any good is not the point, but that uninspired teacher I had criticized me for something I knew wasn't wrong. A syntax "error". In a way she was right, the most common way to write that sentence was her way, but in order to set that scenery right I felt my way was better. The problem was she wouldn't think of the possibility that we both could be right. Anyway, a small thing like that shouldn't be significant for me writing or not, but I think it contributed to make me aware of the fact that writing can be criticized at all. I wasn't prepared for that. Suddenly I was conscious about being understood; if she didn't "get" my meaning maybe no one would? Of course there are many other reasons as well for not writing any longer, but I think something changed there.

It's hard to recollect what you actually thought at some point in your life, after 20 or so years you can't be sure if that thought really occurred or if you just construct it afterwards to make fit into your explanations. I mean, I couldn't swear I thought that much about writing when I was younger. Sometimes I feel I didn't have any dreams at all of my future life, like I never had a plan. But if I once did think I'd like to be writer, I soon rejected that idea as impossible. Maybe I was caught up in that 150 year old romantic idea that the Artist's inspiration is divine and nothing that could be taught. Either you got or you don't, and if you do got it you simply live it out. Me not doing anything out of my creative skills was for me a proof it wasn't meant to be.

My perspective is a little different now, and I have over the last years been thinking a lot about "the Creative Artist" in general, how he works, why, when , if, and so on. I'm lucky enough to know a few specimen in person so I can study them closely. And they are as different, as people in general are. And they all have very different stories of how they came to their profession. One I know, has always known, there was simply no other option for her but the Academy of Arts, and she's been doing her thing for all her life. Nothing else, and no buts. Another walked various paths first, tried to fit in to the expectations, and he also holds a university degree in something very different. But to me I think that actually is what makes this artist so brilliant, his experience and knowledge from other areas clearly has an imprint on his art now.

I don't know if you noticed, but so far I haven't told you anything about my epiphany. Sorry. I'm so tedious I even exhaust myself! Let's go.

It's about imagination. And that's something a writer needs. I don't know if you have the same feeling I do about that word, but for me has so far been closely connected to fantasy - things that don't happen. Until now I haven't thought I could write anything without some sort of personal experience. But something a friend said to me yesterday on the phone changed that. The day before I had given her a piece of advice, a sudden thought that struck my mind regarding something she's involved with at the moment. Well, on the phone yesterday she said she was so glad for those words, it had really helped seeing herself. And I guess that's imagination. Seeing something that's possible in any world, something that could happen, even if it won't apply to me right then. I have until now been very conscious about everything being true when I write, but I think everything you can imagine is true. On an universal level.

On Friendship

That title is certainly not my own invention; both Cicero and Montaigne have used them. And I am certainly not attempting to write anything as erudite and extensive as they did either, merely share with you a few reflections of mine.

One of my absolutely best friends (since I don't intend to rate them), just recently moved to a new house. She's now living 51 km away, and Wednesday almost a fortnight ago I went there for the first time. We'd been joking about The Distance ever since they knew they were moving, laughed about going for ever and ever, and then to the end of the world and beyond; but from the moment I started to drive I felt such a joy, knowing I was driving to a friend. A friend who wanted to see me. And for that I could travel to the moon.

The drive itself was also a treat. Although the weather was awful (as I crossed the bridge the wind speed warning system showed 15 m/s), I enjoyed sitting behind the wheel, thinking and reflecting about important things (and people) in my life. Already from the start I had this distinct feeling that something extraordinary was happening, sometimes I do that. I had a revelation. I was thinking about someone special to me, and asked myself why he's so special. I don't think I've really defined that before, and perhaps that shouldn't be necessary at all. But suddenly I got this strange feeling that he might be a little mistaken about this why, and that it somehow made a difference. It felt really good to have that clear to me, and I think I might have been so focused on him and that insight, that he tuned in on that where ever he were... Crazy thought maybe, but I had sense of connection and understanding there for a moment.

The visit at my friends house was definitely worth the trip; coffee, sandwiches, olives and stimulating conversation - what more could you ask for? Just as I was about to leave, she told me she was especially happy for me being the first guest to their house, and my heart was filled with warmth. We're not always telling each other how much we care for each other as friends, we just are, but when it happens it means something.

I mentioned Cicero at the beginning so why not quote him?:

Now friendship may be thus defined: a complete accord on all subjects human and divine, joined with mutual good will and affection. And with the exception of wisdom, I am inclined to think nothing better than this has been given to man by the immortal gods. There are people who give the palm to riches or to good health, or to power and office, many even to sensual pleasures. This last is the ideal of brute beasts; and of the others we may say that they are frail and uncertain, and depend less on our own prudence than on the caprice of fortune. Then there are those who find the "chief good" in virtue. Well, that is a noble doctrine. But the very virtue they talk of is the parent and preserver of friendship, and without it friendship cannot possibly exist.

I'm not a huge fan of Oprah, but sometimes she does have interesting guests, like a few nights ago when Seal and his wife, supermodel Heidi Klum, was there. I didn't watch the whole show, but I caught something Seal said that really made sense. He proclaimed his love for his wife, but also made a particular point in stating her as his best friend. In his opinion, and this where I agree, you should treat your partner the same way as you treat any good friend. And how true isn't that? It's scary to think of how bad we can treat the one that should be the closest, where we'd never lie, cheat, deceive, abuse or neglect a friend.

I promised you to be short, didn't make it really, so I think I'll finish now by quoting Carl Jung:

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

Thin Ice

I've written before about my grandfather, but that was the one on my father's side, and now I want to tell you something about the other one. His name was John, and he was extremely resourceful but also a very gentle man. And did always have a joke on hand. Where all his funny stories came from was a mystery, and even in his 90's he made us laugh of something we'd never heard before.

This man was a hard working man, and he'd be outdoors whenever he could, riding his bike in summer and skiing in winter. When not working of course. Never complained about anything, and we almost lost him once when he'd fallen and hit his head without telling grandma, nor anyone else for that matter. Weeks later he started to be very disoriented and "senile". But luckily there were doctors who wouldn't settle for an age related diagnose, and they found out that he had a large clot of blood pressuring inside his skull. It was removed (the clot - not his skull!), he wore a funny wig for a couple of weeks, and was soon restored to his old giggly self and active life. This was sometime in the 80's, and he lived on for another twenty or so years, in the end without his dear Sonja, my lovely grandmother. (But her story will be for another day.)

Nothing could stop him, and at 85 he still rode his bike to the next town if the meatloaf was cheaper there. Not because he was cheap, he just liked the challenge. He also carried a great love for fishing, all year round, and that was actually the inspiration for this post.

No one could walk on ice like he could, no one else would dare to step out on as thin ice as he did. That got me thinking. You have to be careful. Obviously. But you would also have to be planning ahead, knowing your surroundings and the elements; where the currents are, the depths and shallows. Avoiding the weaker areas where the reeds grow. In a sense you have to communicate with the ice, listen to sounds it makes when it's under too much pressure. With any squealing or cracking noise you'd better stop, relax and then step back a little. At least the ice was safe where you came from. And then you'd find a safer route, if possible. If not - you'd just go back home, and then try again another day. There's always later.

And maybe his granddaughter will walk on water too one day.

This Or That?

Life is full of smaller and larger issues to decide upon, and we spend a lot of time trying to make our mind up. It could be those simple decisions about today's dinner, or which shirt to wear. But it could also be something with more far-reaching consequences, like which education to choose. The similarities though, are that it here seems to be a choice between more or less equal options. This or that, what do I like? And it could be solved with the eanie-meanie-minie-moe-method. Whether you're going for the striped shirt or the plain one, you're still wearing something.

But how to decide when it's a do or don't situation? An example: should I sell the car or not? The thought has struck me that I maybe should do that. I find the car to be quite an annoying part of my life; it costs a lot of money to maintain, the gas is awfully expensive and so is the insurance. Not to mention parking fees and turnpikes. But to find the answer I needed to approach the question from a different angle: What would the consequences be without the car? Then it wasn't much of a problem, and I still got the car. As it is now, I need the car more often than not.

So if you're having trouble making your mind up, why not reverse your original question? Realise that when saying yes to one thing, you're at the same time saying no to the opposite, according to the "Principle of bivalence". And then try to see if that's something you would be happy with?

But if you still made the "wrong" decision there's always relief in Festinger's cognitive dissonance theory which

states that contradicting cognitions serve as a driving force that compels the mind to acquire or invent new thoughts or beliefs, or to modify existing beliefs, so as to reduce the amount of dissonance (conflict) between cognitions.

In a way a scary thought, in that you might end up "happy and content" although you didn't go for the choice that would have been the best, just because your brain is wired that way - to protect you from "uncomfortable tension that may result from having two conflicting thoughts at the same time". Isn't it possible then, that this is a reason we're doing the same mistakes over and over again? 'Cause if you're fine with the wrong choice, there's no stopping you from doing it again. And as long as you're not aware of this cognitive dissonance theory and that you're basically fooled, you actually convince yourself and believe you made the right decision! Now, that's a thought...

Time for another decision: Should I go home now? Yes - it's Friday, and it's (almost) late, and I don't want to spend the evening here...

Decomp

Hola, and now a deep breath! I've probably just been diving a little too deep lately, and as you know there's then need for scheduled decompression stops while ascending to the surface. But I'd also like to dwell a little on that metaphor; diving that is. I think that when we speak about diving and going deep as an analogy for human mental activity, we often tend to associate that with something negative, like being depressed or feeling down. And something you're "dragged" into; something that's beyond your control.

Not necessarily.

First, if it's your decision, if you plan to dive, you'll need to be prepared. Safety is of the utmost importance when it comes to diving, for obvious reasons - you're coming up again! Depending on the motives for diving (recreational, commercial, military, rescue, scientific, technical, et.c) you're getting trained and equipped accordingly, but it's all about control. No matter if you're wreck diving, hunting for long lost treasures from Spanish galleons or if you're working as a North Sea oil diver, you'll have to have the acquired skill and expertise to accomplish your task. Even the "philosophical diver" I met a few years back, needed to keep track of time and his air supply. His favorite dive was to only descended about 15 meters, find a nice flat rock, lie on his back and watch the sun spread its rays through the water. He also grew his own marijuana which he used to smoke or bake into chocolate cakes, but I'm pretty sure he never combined the two; drugs and diving.

So when I say I've been diving, I think it has been a controlled dive, taking necessary precautions to reach the surface without getting the bends. And what a wonderful time that is to contemplate and reflect on life, all surrounded by vast waters and silence.

Happy Thoughts

In the play/novel Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie, Peter is teaching the three Darling siblings, Wendy, John and Michael to fly, but as the narrator in the novel says: "Of course Peter had been trifling with them, for no one can fly unless the fairy dust has been blown on him." So, in the novel are the children actually flying by magic, and this is the way they're tricked:

"You just think lovely wonderful thoughts," Peter explained,
"and they lift you up in the air."

Real life is not like this, it's the other way round, and I try to live by it. Magic is not real, but "Happy thoughts" can make reality magical, and I think the last day's events are proof of that. Let me start with my friend's talk, which she's about to hold next month.

My friend is asked to talk about "Joy and positive thinking, and how that can contribute to bring out the best in people, and help us tackle every day's challenges." Or something like that. Yea, yea, we've heard it before, what's the news? Well, not much maybe, but that's why it's so brilliant. It's simplicity. And to be honest - even if most people know that it helps to be positive, not many really know how to achieve it, do they? It's like any other activity; just because I recognize a soccer ball it doesn't mean I can play the game.

The whole talk (and our fabulous day discussing it) is obviously too long to repeat here and now, but there's an essence which I'd like to point out. We might not be in charge of what life has to offer, but we can take control of our reactions to it. And another thing - how many times have you heard that it's important to live in the present? But do you know how to do that? That's where commitment to the moment comes in, and an openness and willing to experience the smallest detail.

Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not here yet, so what's left is today, and that's life! I can hear the more rational people, or at least what they are according to themselves, ring their warning bells: "You have to take responsibility, you have to plan for the future! You can't just live life as if there's no tomorrow!" Believe me, that's not what it's about. It's so demanding to be that attentive to the moment, that I don't think it's possible for a sane person to stay that way for a very long time. You soon start to worry about next day's meeting or what to wear for the party, but having time like that, when time stops, gives you such pleasure, that it'll last and spread to others.

And thinking positive - what is that exactly? For one is not saying yes to everything, as some might think. It's more in terms of omitting that nasty and negative word not. It seems like our brains have some difficulties in recognizing that word for what it is, and more pay attention to the object. The energy you put in not wanting ridiculous work hours, quarrels with your spouse or a pimple on your nose at the worst time, seems to go straight to exactly that, and you end up with the things you didn't want.

Positive thinking is visualizing your dreams and goals. Try picture yourself in a situation you would like to be. If your relationship isn't working, how would it look like if it was OK?

Anyway, this has slowly brought me back to the beginning of the day. Before that very engaging coffee date with my friend, which actually lasted through the whole day, with lunch, dinner, three glasses of wine and more coffee, I had made a little wish. Just a simple wish, nothing too demanding I think, but you could say it worked! (See last post under here. Got both a hug and a power tool...) Maybe it was just me, but that moment was very now, and that's all that matters at the end of the day, isn't it?

Bound

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Movie Night At Home

A couple of days ago I watched a rather nice movie, a television film adaption of Mitch Albom's novel The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Eddie (played by Jon Voigt) is a maintenance man at an amusement park, and we meet him there on his 83rd birthday, and he's also killed there that day, in an attempt to save a little girl who's sitting under a falling ride. When he dies he goes to heaven, and there he meets five people who all have been significant in his life, whether he was aware of it or not. The point is that he has something important to learn from each of them in order to understand the purpose of his own life. I'm not going to say that much more about the film, but it got me thinking. If it was me, which five people would I meet in heaven? Well, if it was like in the film I wouldn't be able to guess them all now, 'cause there are people and incidents that'll have an impact on your life even if you don't realize it at the time.

There are a few I want to meet, and who I feel have been very special to me, but that's obviously not how it works (according to the novel/film). Still, I wouldn't be surprised if I met Ellen there. She's not family, although to me she's always been like an extra grandmother. I tell you a little bit about her.

After the WWII times were tough for the people of Germany, and many had to leave the country to make a living. Some came to Sweden, and in 1950 my father got acquainted with Ellen and the others. They only stayed for two years, but Ellen (and the man she married later) picked up on the language, and to this day she still speaks Swedish. After they moved back they kept contact with my father, and he traveled down to Germany on several occasions. Later with his family, and I remember going there almost every year when I was a kid. Ellen and her husband called me "little princess" and spoiled me like one too, but I have also learned some very important things from them. I worked at their inn one summer, serving beer and schnapps to the locals, and I still have vivid memories of the time. Very educational, it was.

But time goes and things change, and as an adult haven't seen them too often. We've talked about it so many times, me and my father, to go see her (she's a widow now) together, but when I go to Sweden for holidays I always seem to run out of time. This year though, I decided to do things a little differently, so off we went - my father, me and my daughter. 14 years since the last time I met Ellen! That's too long...

At first she didn't look the same, even a feisty woman like her can't hide the fact she's 83, but it didn't take long to recognize her as she's always been. She told us she got a compliment that morning, and she'd answered: "Well, of course, I have to look nice, my old lover is coming to visit me!" Na, that's something isn't it? You see, Ellen and my father used to date, back then in the fifties. This I didn't know until I was grown up, but it sort of fits with everything else I believe in. Relations and perceptions like this have shaped me in a way I can understand better now. Nothing is black and white, there are all kinds of shades in between. And that friendship is the base of any lasting relationship.

In the mentioned film one of the points is that everything is connected, and that's what I always been saying too. This quote from the novel itself: "But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time...", I also like. Without any particular reference besides, just in general.

I have the film, you're welcome to borrow it!

Sensitive Dependence On Initial Conditions...

...or put in more modern words "the butterfly effect", is a very interesting phenomenon which could be applied to almost any area in life. It means that even the slightest change in the initial state of any event will alter its outcome. Let's use the ball-on-the-hill-metaphor. A ball placed on the crest of a hill can roll down in any direction depending on its starting point, and even undistinguished differences will have an effect. But as usual I can't resist the temptation of exploring the possibilities of a metaphor.

If the initial conditions determines which way the ball will roll, does it mean that it has to stay on that path? If you see the ball is going to hit a rock, wouldn't it be possible to change direction? If the ball stops for some reason before it reaches its destination, couldn't you remove that obstacle? Couldn't two different ways lead to the same location? Anyway, the possibilities are endless, and to be able to predict the consequences of your actions you'll need some experience and good knowledge of physics - "the science that deals with matter, energy, motion, and force."

I don't feel this post is finished as it is, but I'll publish it anyway. Maybe there's some input from cyber-space. A small and distant flutter of wings?

Ways Of Water

Water is the source of life. But the quality of water can vary, and there are several measurements that say something about a water body's health. Probably the most known is how pH measure how acidic or basic water is, but there are others too. The temperature can be very important, changes can affect the ability of water to hold oxygen as well as the ability of organisms to resist certain pollutants.

Specific conductance is a measure of the ability of water to conduct an electrical current, and will give a good idea of the amount of dissolved material in the water. Next, turbidity is the amount of particulate matter that is suspended in water, which makes the water cloudy. It is measured by how light shines through the water.

Although water molecules contain an oxygen atom, this oxygen is not what is needed for those who live in water. A small amount of oxygen is actually dissolved in water, and is breathed by fish and other living organisms.

Rapidly moving water, such as in a mountain stream or large river, tends to contain a lot of dissolved oxygen, while stagnant water contains little. Life can have a hard time in stagnant water, that has a lot of rotting material in it. At last, one can determine the "hardness" of a water by measuring the amount of dissolved calcium and magnesium in it.

So, healthy water is neither to acid nor basic, it's free from pollution and waste, not too soft, not too hard, and most importantly - it runs freely. In stagnant water hardly anything thrive, and some of it that does are dangers like mosquitoes, parasites and harmful bacteria. There's a beautiful exception though, and that's the Lotus flower, which also has it's own symbolic value. When I came this far in my water "research" I was a little disappointed, it didn't fit into my metaphor and how water needs to be flowing. But after thinking hard I came up with the solution:

The stagnant waters that lotuses prefer aren't made over the night, these are natural evolutions that has taken a long time to develop. They're not man-made trapped waters in some tank, nor are they ground or surface water stagnation due to poor drainage or excessive watering.

A habitat like that must somehow found just the right balance to keep on living, and provide a home for a wonder like the sacred waterlily. And one condition is that there has to be enough ambient sun.

This post could go on for ever and ever, as the river does.

Waves and ice.

Diving and drowning.

Life.

Thanks to USGS for some of the facts...

Quality Time Ponderings

We humans are strange creatures really. We so desperately need to define everything that we constantly compromise ourselves when trying to label our surroundings. Not that we are the only ones trying to make the world understandable, I just think that we are experts in messing it up in our efforts. I mean, to survive, thrive and procreate every living being need to identify dangers, enemies, safe food sources, possible mates and so on. Any stupid cow know which grass to chew, and you don't see cats canoodling dogs that often either.

But the human world is so complex, and it's expanding and developing continuously, making it even harder to make sense of it all. The problems start when we can't find the right pegs to pin everything on. And we also are more stupid than the average monkey, 'cause they seem to learn from their mistakes. If they eat something that'll make them sick, they're likely to stay off that food. But we both drink and eat until we throw up, only to do it again the next weekend. Not very clever, I'd say...

Is there a point to this story, you might ask? As always I'm not really sure until the end, but let's see.

One thing about defining and labeling things, is that by doing so they automatically get certain characteristics and expectations attached to them. A car for instance, is a motor vehicle with four wheels, that can get you from A to B. A car is actually very good metaphor for many things, and I've had several lecturers who's used it to explain both programming and mathematical equations. One of the reasons it's working so well is that, I'd say, most people know what a car is, without any further explanations. If it's a top model fancy car with a 6 cylinder engine purring like a cat, or something more resembling a wreck like my Nissan Micra, they still share the same concept. It's a transport device.

But is that all? A car can be a show object, never to be used for driving. It can be an old veteran or a toy model without engine. I could go on here for a while, but I think you're starting to see what I'm getting at? And besides, a car has no feelings, if not taking Christine and Herbie into account.

Human relations on the other hand are far more complicated to define, even though we're trying to pinpoint them with the same accuracy as when classifying vegetables. To identify something you need to recognize it by some sort of reference, either be it personal experience or facts from a book. Feelings are tricky that way, 'cause they usually don't come one at the time. They appear in clusters, hard to separate, and that same feeling can also occur in a number of different situations, each time mingled up with other various feelings. An orange is still an orange in a fruit salad, but when blended with a lot of other fruits not so easy to detect.

(If this had been an academic text, every single statement would have been needed to be followed by clear arguments and extensive explanations, but "in real life" I prefer a style where most points can be read between the lines. Fun and interesting, and it also saves me from too much typing. So I trust that you'll understand my way of thinking without me spelling it out.)

Anyway, I talked about feelings and relations. Wouldn't it be great to be able to take a simple blood test or having an X-ray to see what you are "suffering" from? If you're anemic or your leg is broken, it's no problem for a doctor to diagnose those conditions, but testing for something like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a total different matter. Only by identifying the symptoms and ruling out other diseases you can get a fairly reliable diagnose. This might be the way to define feelings and human relations as well? Check the symptoms!

Or to put it simply - if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

Early Bird

It's 5 am, and I have just spent the night outside, chatting with a very friendly neighbor. And we did drink a few glasses of wine as well...

I have now lived here for nearly two years, but since I don't have small children who need to be supervised, and since I'm not a smoker I really don't spend that much time outside in the yard, and therefor I hardly know any of my neighbors. Maybe it's sad, I don't know, but I have been through this "getting acquainted phase" so many times I hardly can't be bothered anymore. It takes an enormous amount of energy to get to know someone.

This particular woman I have actually been talking to before, so she wasn't a complete stranger, but I'm sure this nightly huddle was a little bit special. It never seize to amaze me how much seemingly unrelated events happens all the time, and strange coincidences are everywhere. But I won't bore you with details, let's just say that we our conversation covered a lot of areas I wouldn't have expected. And there's definitely way more between heaven and earth than we can see.

But of course, we also touched upon more earthly issues like men, relationships and human behavior in general. Needless to say, that part of the discussion lasted for a while...

It's interesting to see how hard it is to change the way we behave, although it might seem so. I have really tried to act differently when meeting new people, and I guess there's been some positive progress, but I also see that in some respects I keep doing the same "mistakes" over and over again. Quotation marks here 'cause in one case an action can be a mistake as in another you might get the result you want, only because the other part is reacting differently.

Yeah, yeah - it's hard to be a nissemann...

Today's Quote

A scientist knows more & more about less & less till he knows everything about nothing while a philosopher knows less & less about more & more till he knows nothing about everything.

If this is true, what about a philosophical scientist then?

(IKEA) Surprise

About a year ago I bought a new shelf unit. "Träby" from IKEA; made from ash (veneer) with a brushed surface for that "genuine wooden feel". According to the information sheet next to the display, it would also be possible to get glass shelves and doors for the unit, which for me was a point for actually buying this furniture. But despite the fact they didn't carry those glass items at the time, I still went ahead and bought the rest. Rather stupid, it turned out.

Someone told me that generally it's not wise to buy things at IKEA piece by piece, you'll never know if they'll ever going to stock what you need. If you're buying - make sure you'll get everything, if not - don't buy! In general that is, 'cause after a year of asking every time I went to my local IKEA, and getting a "no - I can't even see it in our system" and then finally surrender in disappointment, realizing that the unit never would be finished, then - there it was today! I was as happy as I'd won the lottery.

This was only material goods, so in the end it won't have that much to do with my state of wellbeing, but there might be a small lesson?

The moment you think you'll never find what your looking for it might just be there, right in front of you. You just have to recognize it when you see it.

PS. Nevertheless I must admit I like IKEA, being Swedish and all it's almost part of my culture. And mind you, I did jump down from my first kiddies wardrobe way back in the early 70's!

For The Umpteenth Time - On Blogging

Am I here or not?

When I first started out this blog quite a few people who knew me (or thought they did) were rather surprised by me, and what I was writing about, not to mention my style of writing. I "chose" to be very open, and I have been warned more than once that it might not be such a good idea to reveal so much of myself. Well, to me, this blog has been very self centered and often served merely as a safety valve to let out steam. And it has worked too, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be standing so "upright" as I am now if it hadn't been for my writing here. Some have asked me if I really have to publish my thoughts to web, why not just write and save it on the hard disk? I think, writing publicly keeps me on my toes, it makes me concentrate more. And to be honest, I do feel good when someone recognize what I'm doing...

Anyhow, one of my "guardians" used to call me (at least in the beginning of my blogging career), every time I shared a little too much of my sadness and frustrations here in the blog. I told her than that she needn't to worry until I "went missing", that as long as I was writing I was fine. It's when I'm not writing I'm really depressed. Again I feel I have to correct myself, you see, judging by my poor attendance on the blog I should be locked up in a secure environment! This time though, it hasn't so much to do with being busy writing my assignment (although that is exactly what I should be doing...), but more with me being busy living. And how wonderful isn't that!

I'm pretty sure I'll write more, either here or somewhere else, but right now? Too much going on, don't have time to sit down. And when I do I rather play around with PhotoShop, I'm confident that I'll someday have use for knowing how to turn pictures into a preset brush!!!