Boys And Their Mothers

I'm a mother; and I have a son. Until now I really haven't troubled myself with whether my relationship with him is good or not. Basically 'cause I feel it is good. But a good relationship between mother and son doesn't necessarily mean that the boy will do fine with other women later in his life. In fact, it can be the opposite. But if my son fails, somehow its' my fault, and I just hope it's not too late.

The reason for these thoughts is that my son is now engaged, and this lovely young girl will hopefully be in our lives for an infinite future. Suddenly I saw myself as the mother (-in law), and it all came together. The men I've known (and still know) have all been little boys, they're all someone's son. I see know my challenge as a mother is not only bringing my son up, setting examples, giving him values, but also teaching him to let go. It's said that boys look for someone like his mother (and girls for someone like her father), and that's all good, provided he once he finds that special woman really lets her in as "the First Lady". From then on she should be the one cooking the best meatballs.

He should also be strong enough to take his woman's side whenever there's an argument, or conflict of interest. It's almost impossible to win the competition against a mother-in-law; therefore, ideally, there shouldn't be one. The mother can do her part by accepting and welcoming the new member to the family, but it's up to the son to cut the cord.

I remember one episode, that really hurt my feelings. Of course, I can see both sides. To some degree I can understand the outburst from my in-laws. (My mother-in-law was the one upset, and my father-in-law took the job yelling at me.) But I also know in my heart that they handled the thing badly, and they had completely misunderstood my intentions. Anyway, the point here is not what happened, but the fact that my husband took their side without asking. I felt that he was more embarrassed on my behalf than anything else, and leaving me on my own like that wasn't the most courageous thing he could have done. Well, enough about him. I didn't tell this to out him or anything, merely wanted to share a feeling. A feeling I can only hope my son will never give a reason for his girl to have.

So boys, hope I didn't offend you too much. And if you feel blamed in any way, you're more than welcome to jump back at me. I know I probably have my own share of father issues...