Nightly Activities
After careful deliberations within my little three men combat group here (consisting of Me, Myself & I), the decision was almost made to try to cut off the information flow from this end. I even had a nice cartoon to go with it:
But as always, I have just one more thing to say. (Maybe I do have a problem to shut the f%=*k up at times?) Anyway, my son is home this weekend and is due back at base tomorrow. He was just on his way out when I asked him: "So, how do you feel to have such a failure for a mother?" My writing isn't going any well, and I feel the hopelessness settle in my body like a bad virus. But my son's answer put everything back in to its right perspective: "You haven't failed as a mum." And when all is said and done, I guess that's one of the most important things, right? I sure don't feel like a success in that department either all the time, but I'll let my kids be the judges. OK, never mind my youngest being a delightful little nutcase, but then again probably only as much as I was one myself as a teenager, and just look how good I turned out? LOL :)
Another thing is that writing in this blog now is better than no writing at all. I've spent the entire day in front of the computer without getting anything useful done, but at least I was able to look at the stuff without falling asleep. Late in the evening I took a shower and realized that what I need is a waterproof PC. Water running down all over your body is both relaxing and invigorating at the same time. Along with being cleansing and purifying. When I'm in the shower I always start to think more freely; must be a combination of the meditative aspect of the soaping and shampooing exercise, and the running water itself. Now I was thinking about the paper I'm supposed to write, or rather the things I'd like to write about instead. There's no time to change the subject now, I'll have to stick with what I've got, but if I had more time and inspiration there are so many things I'd like to explore.
How well are medical diagnostic programs working? Have they changed the success rate for diagnosing illnesses? How is playing computer games affecting soldier's behaviors and attitudes? And the one I was thinking about last year: what impact are computers and digital media having on research communication?
Big yawn! Think I'll have to get a few hours of sleep anyway, before I'll drive my son to base early in the morning. Or late night...
Morning update: 4 hours of sleep is waaayyy to little. I suddenly remembered I have a lecture today at noon, and therefore had to drive to the university directly after dropping off my son. So here I am, desperately longing for my white sheets and goose down pillow and seriously considering to take a nap crouching over the desk. Still over 2 hours until I can get a coffee around here...
4 comments:
The ups and downs of higher education - really SUCKS sometimes! But we all pull through somehow. Try, fall down, try again and eventually we find success. Note: no mention of fail!!! ;) Sometimes I'm amazed at how far we've come, but on the other hand I didn't ever really expect anything less. Hey, more pressure....just what you needed! Ha, ha! ;) You'll find your spot to write and things will flow. You can give me the same advice this summer when I'm sitting at my computer beating my head against the wall trying to write my thesis!!
I'm also finding (how easy for me to muse from the comfort of my "non-writing" zone) I usually end up somewhere I didn't expect. I work toward a goal and things shift along the way. I still have the success or meet a goal but it's not quite the one I was shooting for. I think your writing is just fine - exceptional in fact, it's the perfectionist side that is interferring. More visits with Toril to get you on track perhaps? A glass of wine to occupy that perfectionist side so the writing one can emerge and shine!
Back to work for me. I've been hiding in the barn working on my research, I keep reminding myself it's only until the end of June! On the other hand I'm also trying to enjoy and learn from the whole experience before it slips away!!!
So funny you mentioned Toril and wine! We just had a glass at our favorite shack, and how good isn't it to have someone to guide you when you stumble in the dark.
Whether I'll manage to pull this one through remains to see, but I certainly feel a little more elevated after today. As you probably know Toril and I share some similar experiences, and as she's one (or two) steps ahead of me she can give some well grounded advice.
I even feel like writing a blogpost today!!!
And thank you, Deb. Your words are encouraging as always. :)
Thank you, Karin - it's actually too kind as I feel like an evil bitch sometimes when I try to give you my regurgitated advice. However, as I know you're one of the smart cookies I do think you understand that I'm only trying to give you some much deserved advice as I have - as you know and say - been through the grinding mill a few times myself. The whole idea, my friend, is not to get stuck in this mill. You are too gorgeous and smart to be wasting your life on issues that violates and disturbs the essence of life - utter joy and happiness!!!
That's right, I do understand your intentions, and I know you only want the best for me. I might not do exactly what you're "telling me" though, but your input certainly makes me think. And that's a good start!
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