Minor Mode

See you in the blogosphere, she said. Toril somehow seemed to expect that I'd have time to blog in the midst of writing my exam. Silly girl! Of course I don't have time for that, as it is now I'd need to write continuously for the remaining week in order to have even a remote chance of finishing this. So why do I blog now, having said that?

Simple - I just need to get my fingers started! I'm starting to panic, and it ain't funny. The problem though is that everyone else seem to have an unlimited faith in my abilities, and whenever I express my worries the answer is: "Nah, you'll fix it. You always do." Well, the point here isn't to prove anyone wrong, that would be downright stupid, but I just need to whine a little. Get it off my chest, so to speak. So anyone who won't care for listening to my jeremiad, I recommend you to skip the next paragraph. Once I've sung out I'll be in a better mood. Here it goes; in B minor:

I'm sitting here in the dark. Alone. Everyone else is having a good time, preparing for advent with their loved ones. The reality of the consequences of the choices I've made this fall is hitting me hard. And I want to cry. Is this all I ever be? The one who falls on the finishing line? While the rest pass me by, including life itself. Now I do cry, stupid idea to strike a chord at this moment. Emotional miserable wretch, I am. But this is just a job that's need to get done, right? And one way of motivate yourself for doing tedious tasks is to set up a reward for yourself. "When you're done, you can do that thing you've been wanting to do for so long." Yes, motivation is a keyword (which actually might be useful in my paper as well), but what if the thing I want is beyond my control to get? No shoes will make me happy now. Nor any other materialistic symbols, for that matter. Another way of motivating yourself, and perhaps even a better one, is to visualize yourself at the other end; after the work is done, and you've accomplished what you were set up to do. But not even that is helping me, 'cause I really can't see what I'm supposed to be doing then! And where should I be? "Move home, Karin." some people say, while other say "Stay here." I've also heard: "Don't move there, at least." Like that was an option. OK, I'm done singing here - and I'm even further away from organizational culture than when I started this screed, and how to discuss possible actions and measures leaders can take in order to ease the process of organization change and ensure optimal development, is an enigma to me. These discussions should also have an emphasis on how to counteract and manage conflicts and unwillingness to cooperate. Maybe I'm not so numb anyway - a consultant might be a good idea? Someone who can look at the organization with fresh and competent eyes, and set up a plan for the change? A consultant specialized in the field of implementation of strategies, team- and leader development, cultural building, management advice and such? I need a consultant myself, I think...



But aren't you a silly one? Didn't I just tell you not to read the previous paragraph? And yet you did... Don't say I didn't warn you, though. Also, just think of how little you had to read if you only had listened to my advice! How do you feel now?

I'm not crying anymore at least, and hopefully neither are you. So - you go back to whatever you were doing, and I'll just get going - period.