Panic Attack!

Previous week I was thinking about how to write the next post, as I wasn't that inspired. Not that I have to write anything, but I thought I could angle the text towards the subject I'm studying, Organizational Psychology, and to be even more specific - Work Motivation. I figure the factors that motivate people to work are the same factors that motivate people to do just about anything. So I had an idea of dissecting Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (even drew my own in PhotoShop), and relate that to my motivation for writing. Or lack of it.

I think I've said it before, but most of my thinking and writing is done when I'm under some sort of pressure, or have problems that need to be solved somehow. Frustration is a good source for creative thinking, at least that's how it works for me. So as I was quite content, I might even say happy, I didn't feel the urge to express myself verbally. But if I wait just long enough, something is bound to happen... And you know what? To no one's surprise it just did!

Currently I live in a flat in a Student Village. OK, but I'm only eligible to live here for as long as I'm a student. A status which I'm very uncertain about. If I decide to call it a quit after this semester and the Bachelor Degree I'll have to move out within two months after finishing it. If I on the other hand decide to keep on going for a Master as well, I could stay here while doing that. But that's not what's freaking me out right now. You see, they're rehabilitating these flats up here, and the process is done in stages. They finish like 6 or 7 at a time, and we "just" move once into a new apartment. I was hoping this whole thing would be delayed (as these things usually are...), so I'd be out of mine before I had to move permanently. But typically they're on time, and I'm supposed "make the switch" in week 50! If I only could move away from here for good, that would be great, but where should I go? Move home to mommy?

And if this wasn't bad enough, just to move I mean, that actual week is also next course weekend with the Angelos Method. Which by the way has turned out to be yet another "stress factor". In order to be approved, we have to complete 40 client sessions. Something I thought I could do "whenever"... Well, preferably rather sooner than later, but I didn't know there was a time limit. Actually there wasn't, but now there is. If I really want this, those 40 sessions have to be done by April. And I still don't know if that is what I should be doing... Do I have what it takes? The thing is I know I do, but at the moment I can't really feel it, and I'm afraid I'll just keep on waiting for too long for that magical epiphany to occur. Stupid really, when all I have to do is focus. I know my "powers", just have to trust them.

But somehow I know this will work out, 'cause it usually does. It's when I'm the most pressured the best results are coming, and the answers to all my questions have a tendency to reveal themselves when and where I lest expect them to. Also I'm flying up north next weekend, and that will most definitely help me relax and see straight. (Sorry Toril, I know that place isn't considered as North but it's certainly not South either. I just mean it's further north than Bergen, and even your hometown Ålesund! But we can discuss Norwegian geography over a glass of wine my friend. ;) The most important point is that I'm going, right?)

Exhausted now. Partly from this I just told you about, but there's more. My mother's birthday and secret arrangements... exams... sick children... Christmas fairs and baking... and more... and all of it at the same time more or less... But I have to make this clear: I'm not complaining to get sympathy! You don't have to feel sorry for me or anything. (If you want to help me carry my sofa to the next building though, that's another matter...) This is my way of dealing with it. When I write I get some sort of perspective, and I'm aware that you readers not necessarily perceive it the same way I do. That is if you're only a reader - people who actually talk to me get the whole picture. I hope.