This Is (Not) My Life

It's so strange to see how my life looks right now, compared to what I had in mind. Or come to think of it, maybe that's the problem? Did I really have a clear view of what I wanted? Well, I sure as hell didn't picture this. Running around like a crazy cat, restless and alone. No, I have to be fair to myself - I did have plans, just that they didn't work out the way I wanted. That's OK, but I still want the same things, and sometimes now I feel sort of forced into trying to be someone I'm not. Academic, researcher, "doing a career"? I need to be practical, I have to be hands-on. I'm more satisfied when I have solved a problem. It seems like the simpler the things you want are, the harder they are to get? And what I want is actually so very simple...

Right now I feel like a broken record, going on and on about the same stuff, and I can't help but wonder for how long my friends will be able to take it? But I think the bottom line is that there are some aspects in my life now I didn't choose myself, I'm left with other people's decisions.

"...year after year...
...the same old fears..."

So what do you do with an old scratchy vinyl? Flip it and start listen to the B-side? I think a lot of people tend to consider the B-side of a single as a song not good enough for the album, and the mere sound of it actually underlines that idea. A is top degree, while B isn't the best. But in fact many B-sides have other purposes than being mere filling material. It could be a different version, like "live" or "remixed", or maybe in another language. And if the song yet hadn't been completed at the time of the album's release, one might want to place it on the B-side of the single. That B-side might then turn out to be the best song...