Congratulations, Toril!

I knew you'd get the job, even if you didn't dare to hope. What an inspiration you are, my dear friend. (And I'm happy that you'll be working on the premises, then I can come bother you now and again...)

Behind The Scene

It might look like I haven't been writing anything for days, but just because there's nothing visible on the blog it doesn't mean I haven't been productive! This week I have been working on at least three different drafts, although I'm not sure I'll ever finish and publish any of them. The one I started on Wednesday for example really got me "going" inspired as I was after Stuart Moulthrop's talk. Moulthrop is something of a guru within his field of electronic literature and hypertext fiction, and that lecture indeed gave me something to chew on. Lots of stuff for my paper, hopefully.

I say hopefully, cause the last thing I was told when I asked at the office for the "missing" schedule, was that "Sorry, there's been a mistake. That course isn't on this semester after all." Sorry, my ass. That's simply not good enough, and that's what I'm going to tell them. Politely, of course. But still, they can't treat us like that, and then expect us to follow every whim. In fact they have told us clearly that what's in the "Student portal" is to be considered as valid at all times.

Otherwise it has been a strange week. Personally I feel better than I have done for long time, more calm and grounded, so that's good. But I certainly need it, having some issues here in the home to attend to. I'm sure glad I still remember how it was to be a teenager, if not I think I'd go mad...

There's also another thing I've been neglecting for a while now and that's my friends web page, he has on the other hand been kind of absent too, so I don't think he'll complain. But I wasn't happy with the result when I first published the page, so I really wanted to do something about it. I haven't yet done anything about the layout, but I have found a better way of creating the image gallery. Instead of using Photoshop's automatic features, I have now downloaded a imagewiever which I have customized, and it's sooo much easier to update. Now I can replace only the images when needed/wanted, and just run the PHP script again. Clever girl, right? I'm not pretending I actually know what I'm doing, but if it works it works...

I have finally got my new PC to run smoothly, the viruses are gone, and I have my Photoshop and other important programs working. And the next thing then on the list is to install the wireless router I bought the other day, so both me and my precious teenage daughter can be online at the same time.

Better start thinking about getting to bed soon. My other two kids are coming for dinner tomorrow, and even if I'm just cooking up something as simple as a spaghetti it's still nice to put some time and engagement in it. I guess that's one thing I really miss - a large kitchen table where everyone is welcome. But I'll get that too, one day. No doubt.

Wings Of Hope

So gently my wings will quiver, there will only be a breeze
So slowly I will fly towards you, my approach will be at ease

My touch will make you shiver, with anticipation and delight
Yet my fingers are only feathers, from the wings of the moonlit night

Then almost like a river, as one, we will flow down stream
Together to eternity, we will dance in our dream

It's Never Too Late...

This is a joke I heard years ago, I guess long before the days of Internet. For some reason I came to think about it today, and I thought I'd share it with you. As it originally was told to me in Swedish, I first had to translate it, but clever as I am I also realized it must have been told in a zillion different languages around the world, including English. So why do the translation myself, when it most likely already is floating around on the web? And accordingly - this is the result of a Google search and copy&paste. The Internet truly is a wonder, and the answers to all possible questions are just a few keystrokes away. If you only know how to ask...

Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks "What?"

He replies "SEX!!!"

Annabel exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know", Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while".

"Well, I can oblige," says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard's manhood.

Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the home until she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident who was holding Howard's manhood!

Furious, Annabel yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does she have that I don't have?!?"

Howard smiled and replied..............."Parkinson's"

So, while I'm at it, why not bring you another one from the same page I found the first joke?

There's an old couple, both in their 80's, on a sentimental holiday they went back to the spot where they first met. They're sitting in a pub and he says to her, "Do you recall the first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? We went behind the barn. You leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old times sake?"

"Ooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a man sitting at the next table listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, 'I've got to see this, two old timers having sex against a fence.' So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the barn and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She's yelling "Ohhh God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The guy watching is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The guy, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is.

As the couple pass, the guy says to them, "That was something else, you must have been going at it for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?"

"No, there's no secret," the old man says, "except fifty years ago that frigging fence wasn't electric."

In The Presence Of Beauty

There’s been a discussion going on lately about angels and spiritualism due to HRH Princess Märtha’s engagement in such matters. That’s not a discussion I’m going to participate in, but I would like to tell you about a recent encounter I had myself with a truly angelic creature. I’ve known her all her life, and according to her I’m her favorite cousin! She’s not the baby I used to read bedtime stories to any longer, and at 27 she’s all grown up. But still, there’s a certain childlike happiness about her that’s absolutely endearing. She’s the kind of person, who seems to be always smiling, and she radiates an undeniable goodness. And - she’s got the voice of an angel.

My son turned 19 last Saturday and I gave him a trip to Sweden, Grandma and Liseberg for his birthday. So that morning we boarded the train with destination Gothenburg, and the same evening my brother picked us up and drove us to our mom’s. You can imagine how surprised and delighted she was to see her grandson, I’d kept the trip a secret the whole time. (I love having secrets, at least the kind you intend to reveal in order to make someone happy)

One of the reasons I wanted to go to Sweden was that I didn’t want to miss (again) the traditional garden concert my mother is hosting. Again I say, since it’s always been held at a “bad” time. This is an annual thing where my angel-like cousin sings and plays various rhythm instruments, her Norwegian (!) fiancé plays the guitar (both acoustic and electric), her father plays the keyboard and the accordion and then there’s a fourth woman (not related) who plays the bass. Contemporary slightly jazzy folk music, could perhaps describe their style. With a humoristic touch. One of the funniest songs is the one about how cultural differences and racism isn’t a problem - "we’re going along just fine, but please tell me how to eat a kebab with dignity…"

First we had something to eat in mom’s garden; I think there were around 65 guests. In keeping with the tradition of twisting the 7 kinds of cake theme, she this year served 7 kinds of vegetables with dip, home baked bread and something to drink. The concert itself is held over at the neighbors actually, first time because they had to move it due to rain, but now just because it’s such a fabulous place. Very charming and very odd to sit in the sheep house (emptied and broomed for the occasion) and look out into a green field with birches, where the cows are coming close to listen to the music. Almost bizarre, but I’ll swear, the cows ran away again when Maja started to sing about the kebab…






The light conditions for taking pictures were awful, with the band standing in the dark with the bright daylight in their backs...

Boy Meets Girl...

...they spend a few magical days and fall in love, then summer ends and with it the adventure. Or so they think, "Summer dreams ripped at the seams, bu-ut oh, those su-ummer nights...." until they meet again... Then follows mistrust, misunderstandings and poor communication. Who are they? What do they want? Can it work? In the end though everything turn out just fine for our heroes and they sing "you're the one that I want, o,o, oo, honey..."

This is the basic plot for Grease as you probably guessed already. It's one of the classics, and also one of the favorites. At least to my daughter that is, and we watched it yesterday when there was nothing on TV. When you see it, it's actually so simple and stupid that it's almost ridiculous. But there is something that yet makes this film so great. (Besides Travolta and his dimple.) I guess it must be the music. So the sure way to pure happiness in life must be a personal soundtrack then!

When we watched this one we talked about other movies we wanted to add to our library, and it took me about 3 minutes to order Rocky Horror Picture Show from play.com, and it'll hopfully arrive next week. There too the music is vital to its success, 'cause even that film is kinda silly when you think about it. Like life in general. So maybe the clue to making a blockbuster is a stupidly "lifelike" storyline and a catchy tune or two?

"Remember forever, as shoowop, shoowally, wally, yippity, boom-de-boom
Chang-chang, changadee-chang-chibop, that's the way it should be, wahoo,yeah"

A Little Bit Sorry...

Last post didn't exactly come out the way I planned, not that I really did plan anything. I just realized it wasn't as "philosophical" as I wanted it to be, guess I was a little bit too agitated for that. Sorry for that, maybe I'll explore the issue a little more on another occasion? Or what do you say, Toril, now that you're back?

The Measure Of Success

There's something to reflect upon, my friends! How do you define success? And who is to decide whether you've realized your potential and fulfilled yourself or not? Hasn't it something to do with values in life?

I'm strongly against using a blog for personal vendettas or simply getting mean, and it's difficult to hide the fact that this post is spurred by certain peoples behavior that still seem to effect my life, but I'll try to expand this to a more general discussion. 'Cause this is not about one person, but as I said about values.

I'll have to ask myself "Am I a failure? Haven't I done enough to realize my potential?" To answer the last question first - I think that's something you're never finished doing. It's like what you see to the right here: Under construction... And I'm certainly not going to take another man's opinion on what my potential might be, unless I have some respect for that man's opinions in the first place.

To me (and hopefully to others too) success isn't being a dentist, just 'cause you get a healthy pay check every month. Success is when you're a good dentist, 'cause no doubt there are a lot of bad ones... As there are good and bad doctors, teachers, shoe salesmen, engineers, artists, lawyers, actresses, musicians, politicians, electricians, scientists, architects, and so on. You get my drift? Whatever you do with your life, it's how you do it that determines if you've had fulfilled yourself or not.

I have just turned 41, and if I'm lucky that's about halfway through life. It means that I have so many years left to learn and expand my horizons. Life isn't about getting your degree and a job in your early twenties only to expand your wallet, I'm sure there must be far more in life than that. What a sad little life, not daring to take chances! I don't think anyone ever been happy from chasing fortune, only wanting a fancier boat and a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. I believe some suffers from the delusion that money makes its easier not being happy, while they don't understand that it might be because of the money that they're unhappy. Well, not the money in itself, but the choices they had to make in order to get rich.

And then that these people have the stomach to judge others (who they haven't been in contact with for years...), and then insist on that they have a lesser life, not "realizing their extraordinary potential". Well, be careful, it's my family you're talking about! And I think being able to afford to work only three or four days a week, and then indulge in your hobbies the other days, is something a lot of people would love to be able to.

Just the other day I learned something that is very relevant to this. Queen guitarist Brian May has recently completed his doctoral thesis in astrophysics, only 36 years "late", which shows it never is to late. And boy, aren't we happy he chose to pursue his musical dream back then?

Tears Of Laughter

If you don't like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? And to like yourself means that you also can enjoy your own company, both in sad times as in happy ones. I think it's important to be able to cry to a sloppy movie or laugh at something funny, even if you're all by yourself. Today I laughed so hard I almost choked on my morning coffee:



-So all we got was a goat, two hens and a pooch! Not exactly something to write home about!

-We'll have to lay it on thick then!

Loops & Stitches

Mentioned the other day that I was going to do some knitting, and that I did. Bought the yarn on Friday and started straight away. I didn't have a pattern though, just all these lovely colors I wanted to use. 5 balls of varicolored mohair yarn, each with a different shade, and together they would make up all the colors of the rainbow.

So basically, I fell in love with the colors, and then I only had an idea of what I wanted to achieve. Something simple I thought, the yarn in itself was so beautiful I didn't want to overdo it. I brought out the first ball of deep reddish wool and started up with making about 200 stitches, and then I knitted back and forth through the first ball, then the second (which was more of an earthy orange tone), and after that into the yellow/greenish one. By now I didn't feel that comfortable anymore, it didn't look that spectacular after all, but I continued anyway. Nothing else to do really, and I enjoyed the work. Quite meditative to knit, actually...

When I reached the blues and purples everything was fine again, and five days after I started I had finished my shawl. Rather nice, if I should say it myself. I threw it around my shoulders and could feel the warmth immediately.

A story about knitting? Well, I'm not finished yet.

When I had the shawl wrapped around me, I also noticed that the first row was too tight. Not good, there was an overhanging risk that it would break at some point. (It's difficult to know how much yarn you're going to need at the beginning to make it flexible enough.) But there's a solution (there's always one for the creative mind...), and I think I could just turn the thing upside down, tear up that first row, and finish the whole thing off with a nice crochet edge. I don't do that much crochet normally, but here I think it'll do the trick. One stitch at a time...

Movie Night At Home

A couple of days ago I watched a rather nice movie, a television film adaption of Mitch Albom's novel The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Eddie (played by Jon Voigt) is a maintenance man at an amusement park, and we meet him there on his 83rd birthday, and he's also killed there that day, in an attempt to save a little girl who's sitting under a falling ride. When he dies he goes to heaven, and there he meets five people who all have been significant in his life, whether he was aware of it or not. The point is that he has something important to learn from each of them in order to understand the purpose of his own life. I'm not going to say that much more about the film, but it got me thinking. If it was me, which five people would I meet in heaven? Well, if it was like in the film I wouldn't be able to guess them all now, 'cause there are people and incidents that'll have an impact on your life even if you don't realize it at the time.

There are a few I want to meet, and who I feel have been very special to me, but that's obviously not how it works (according to the novel/film). Still, I wouldn't be surprised if I met Ellen there. She's not family, although to me she's always been like an extra grandmother. I tell you a little bit about her.

After the WWII times were tough for the people of Germany, and many had to leave the country to make a living. Some came to Sweden, and in 1950 my father got acquainted with Ellen and the others. They only stayed for two years, but Ellen (and the man she married later) picked up on the language, and to this day she still speaks Swedish. After they moved back they kept contact with my father, and he traveled down to Germany on several occasions. Later with his family, and I remember going there almost every year when I was a kid. Ellen and her husband called me "little princess" and spoiled me like one too, but I have also learned some very important things from them. I worked at their inn one summer, serving beer and schnapps to the locals, and I still have vivid memories of the time. Very educational, it was.

But time goes and things change, and as an adult haven't seen them too often. We've talked about it so many times, me and my father, to go see her (she's a widow now) together, but when I go to Sweden for holidays I always seem to run out of time. This year though, I decided to do things a little differently, so off we went - my father, me and my daughter. 14 years since the last time I met Ellen! That's too long...

At first she didn't look the same, even a feisty woman like her can't hide the fact she's 83, but it didn't take long to recognize her as she's always been. She told us she got a compliment that morning, and she'd answered: "Well, of course, I have to look nice, my old lover is coming to visit me!" Na, that's something isn't it? You see, Ellen and my father used to date, back then in the fifties. This I didn't know until I was grown up, but it sort of fits with everything else I believe in. Relations and perceptions like this have shaped me in a way I can understand better now. Nothing is black and white, there are all kinds of shades in between. And that friendship is the base of any lasting relationship.

In the mentioned film one of the points is that everything is connected, and that's what I always been saying too. This quote from the novel itself: "But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time...", I also like. Without any particular reference besides, just in general.

I have the film, you're welcome to borrow it!