I'm Slowly Caving In - I think
I've been told so many times now, that the only logical and sensible thing to do when I've finished my bachelor is to move on to the next step, which is taking a master degree as well. So far I have been very reluctant; I haven't been able to picture myself going through all that, thinking that it would be the thing that'll finally send me straight to the loony ward. But it might not be such a bad idea after all?
I said the other day at lunch with my lady friends (who all are ahead of me in the same field - one is just about to finish her master, one has finished hers and got a really good job, and the third is about to start on her doctoral) that I missed out when the ambitious genes and career drives were distributed. But maybe it's something else? Perhaps I do know what I want for my life? Is it only that I got more than my fair share of the "afraid-of-failure" gene?
(I think fear is what's controlling our lives,not that we walk around terrified all day, but the fear of not succeed, the fear of hurting other people, the fear of not be good enough, and so on, truly affects us in so many ways. Lars Fr. H. Svendsen has written a book about the subject, on larger scale of course, but still; fear controls our behavior. What are you afraid of?)
But what has changed now, regarding my studies? Hard to say, really, but maybe it has something to do with general insights about myself? Maybe it's just time to grow up and take responsibility? And respect all those people who actually think I'm quite capable? If they really do care, I'm sure they wouldn't be leading me into something they didn't think I could handle. And I also realize that I probably need at least a master degree to be taken seriously.
From next week I'll be trying a "new" lifestyle - leave home early (well, almost) in the morning, and sit the whole day at the university, reading and writing. Inspired by my fellow students in the "master's office", as I'm granted a space there. Seems like that's the way it should go, then...
6 comments:
GO GIRL - GO.
You are lucky to have the lady friends that you have - (And they are even more lucky to have you as a friend by the way)-putting you in the direction your intelligence deserves. Doubts and fears are all a part of life I guess, even if I haven't studied it in such a broad way as you have - with books about it and "stuff".
But no one - not even you - should doubt your ability to achieve a master - or anything else you want to accomplish for that sake.
The fear of failure will always be there - the trick (I think) is to turn it into a drive to do the best you can. And if you should fail - so what - try again. One failure - or several - will not turn you into a bad person. You will still be Karin - and that's definetively not a bad thing.
You are enrichening this planet just by being one of its inhabitants.
(Please "pardon my french" - I don't have your extensive english vocabulary)
Thank you so very much, I must say those words really warm. Especially coming from you, one of the most complex, fascinating and intriguing people I've ever met... By the way, has it ever occurred to you that communicating like this is a tad absurd? :) LOL
But it's fine by me, kind of interesting really.
And your English is just fine, I'm not to judge anyway. I've told you I cheat...
Absurd? - Oh yes, definetively. But that doesen't matter - soulmates can communicate in whatever way they want. This is regardless of time, way or frequence.
How true, and I'm also glad you said it - soulmate - 'cause that's what we are, right? I don't think anything could change that.
You're right girl - soulmates forever.
Mmmmm, couldn't have asked for a better thought to bring with me in my dreams. No nightmares tonight! And tomorrow will be just fine...
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