Midnight Ramblings

My sincere apologies for being slightly incoherent recently, I can see that you might have problems following my writing here. I mean, even I have problems!

It could be due to the fact that I actually do a lot more writing currently than this blog is showing, and that I also have to keep that writing separate from this in a way. Difficult since I'm, after all, just me. (No Dissociative Identity Disorder to help me out there.) And sometimes it's all a little overwhelming for a poor woman to handle.

So how should I go about in order to make more sense? Well, I'll figure it out sooner or later. I usually do...

But I could tell you about some of my strange dreams; haven't done that in a while, have I?

Twice in the last couple of weeks I've had if not the same dream, dreams with shared components. In both dreams I was on my way to Sweden, which I actually am later this week, and although the circumstances where different, I somehow forgot to pack what I needed for the stay. I was on my way with empty bags. And I felt kinda panicky.

I actually have experienced this funky feeling when I'm awake too, and that also within the last fortnight. I wonder if I'll manage to pack everything for my expedition? We'll see...

Net Activities

It's getting harder and harder to keep perspective of what I'm doing at the moment. I feel like I'm a spider with too many flies caught, and while pulling the strings I'll get tangled up in my own net.

This came out really dramatic, I know, and I apologize for that, but I kinda feel a little theatrical these days. Working myself into a character so to speak.

You might wonder what persona that is? So do I, to be honest. Have a feeling though something interesting, yet very unexpected, is about to emerge, but the final stage of it is still very vague. If there is a final stage - hopefully this will continue to evolve gradually. Becoming a therapist is an adventurous journey, and I'm amazed at all the surprises along the way. I have a feeling now though that my therapeutic work won't be all that traditional. As always, I'll find my own path. Spreading light and helping people redeem themselves can be done in more than one way...

Bad Hair Day

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "It's Benny, the dwarf."

A Blissful Afternoon

Well thank you, for excellent counseling and much needed support, my friend. What would I do without you?

See - I can make it short! This text I mean, that 5-minute coffee was quite extended...

A Blissfully Normal Day...

...so far.

As mentioned before, my son is currently doing his military service in the Navy, and he's been there for 8 months now, slowly getting towards the end of it for this time. He's getting a little tired of it all, now facing 12 hours shifts for 10 days followed by only a 2 day break. And then another 10 days, and so on... But he's not complaining while there, and he must have been doing a good job too, 'cause he just got promoted. Good boy.

One thing he really misses is playing basketball, and when the opportunity came today to play for his team he wasn't slow to say yes. Of course I had to pick him up at the base, and presumably drive him back again in an hour, but that's only a pleasure. Watching him like a giddy little child running around on the court was worth a lot more. And when his younger sister also wanted to come along and watch the game - well that was priceless. It all gave me a reminder of a "normal" family life, which I truly miss, and these days I needed that anchor even more.

They lost game though, but thats' not important here. And Thomas did a great job, especially considering he hasn't played for a very long time.

Undercover

Of all the things I could have been studying, some seem more interesting than others. And only because I’m not taking a degree in Social Anthropology, I can still read the stuff and do my own “research”, can’t I? I wouldn’t say this is done by a specific or exact method, but one widely used method is participant observation. In a real field study of a social group the ethnographer is usually known for what he is and merely observes, while in this case I’m more of a participant, i.e. I think this resembles more observing or creative participation, “which leaves more room for non-materialistic cognition” where “dynamic movements which can not be measured from disconnected or relative viewpoints can be captured by means of feelings”.

So how far into a social group is it justifiable to explore in order to trying to understand it, without risking getting totally absorbed by the culture one is set out to investigate? Guess that in large depends on the ethnographer himself, how mentally strong he (or she) is, but also if there are reliable connections to the outside world, for support and reassurance. I presume some kind of safety line would be a good idea. Like Neo's phone for exiting the Matrix...

There are other movies I could link to here, like Training Day where Denzel Washington's character Alonzo gets so absorbed by the street he's supposed to be watching that he no longer knows which side he belongs to. If you haven't seen this film I strongly recommend it, and therefore I won't spoil the end for you. But let's just say I hope I'll get out sooner than he does...

I presume the risk of getting too involved is higher the more you can identify yourself with the culture you're studying, and that familiar feeling might also be the reason you're choosing that particular society for your survey in the first place. It sort of chooses you. And as me, you might approach this culture feeling intrigued and intimidated at the same time, driven by curiosity.

I confess to sometimes be speaking in an enigmatic way, and I guess this is one of those times. But at this point I won't explain any further, and when/if I do, it'll probably be somewhere else. I just wanted to relieve myself of some of the thoughts I have these days; a way of abstracting myself from what's happening. Letting a little air into the cover.

First Kiss

He's just about to kiss you, and a lot of questions come to your mind:

Is this the right moment?

Is anyone looking?

Do I really want this?

Do I smell OK?

Then you're thinking...

What the hell! and just Do it!!!

Hooked On A Feeling

Björn Skifs has been around for a long time - and worldwide he's mostly known for "Hooked On A Feeling". This is a much more resent song, which my mother directed me to when it hit the Swedish charts in 2003. Listened to it over and over, and cried every time I think. I was pretty sad back then.

Haven't listened to it for some time now, and I'm not sure why I suddenly remembered it. Anyhow, here it is. Still makes me cry, although I'm not that sad anymore:



"Hold my heart
hold my soul"

The Oz Maneuver

There's no place like home, she said, tapped the heels of her red shoes, and in a jiffy she was back home in Kansas. When she tells about her journey her family and friends insist it was all a dream. You're safe now, Dorothy!

I'll have to settle for a McAllan Elegancia for comfort...

Streetwise

Now it's only two days until Hannah leaves for Scotland, and we had a little meeting downtown tonight. Nice dinner, a couple of glasses of wine and a cognac. And a lot of laughs. So all in all a very memorable evening, and the fact that we won't see each other that often wasn't mentioned. Thanks to digital technology it won't feel that distant, and besides - her happiness is of course the most important issue in this case.

A funny thing happened while I was waiting for her, and her sister who was joining us for dinner. I walked slowly down the street where we'd arranged to meet, and suddenly this man approached me. He looked a little puzzled, and asked politely if I spoke Norwegian or English. "Both" I replied, and waited for the next question, which I presumed would be something about direction. To my astonishment he said: "You look so lovely, can we perhaps meet today or tomorrow for drinks or something to eat?" Well, that's really something, isn't it? I was so relieved when Hannah and Ruth walked round the corner just in time to rescue me...

Risotto Retry

I made the risotto today instead, although today I didn't need the calming effect of making it as described yesterday. Today it was just for fun an nutrition. What a shame though to enjoy that all on my own? I think I better pack the ingredients and invite myself over to someone the next time. So beware! There might be an Italian feast coming to your door in the near future!

Yesterday a very odd feeling struck me - hence the risottocookingurge. It wasn't a low feeling, just odd and perhaps a little frightening too. The previous week with course weekend, cleaning and moving with my friend, and some dodgy activities on the net had left me in a very peculiar state of mind. So I called the local Help Team (consisting of one very solid member) which responded promptly. I'd say he's my rock, and after some private counseling and a cup of coffee in town, I felt so much better. Did I mention he's also a very good kisser? That helped too.

What's Cookin'?

Today I think I'll make risotto, but more for therapeutic reasons. Of course it'll taste divine in the end too, but the actual cooking of it? I simply love it. Nothing like making a risotto when you're too wind up, 'cause you can't rush it. All steps has to be followed carefully; and although cooking risotto isn't difficult, you do have to put your time and heart in it.

First there's the sauteing of the finely chopped onion in extra virgin olive oil, and this stage is called soffrito. The next is tostatura in which you add the uncooked rice grains and gently "seal" them in the hot oil. After this comes the time consuming cottura stage, where the hottish chickenstock is added one ladleful at a time, stirring more or less continuously. (There are numerous variations of risotto, but not even all basic recipes uses white wine which I consider a must. Two glasses, one for the risotto and one for the chef, is part of what makes this dish so tasteful, in my opinion, and is added before the stock.) This third stage is also the one I so much enjoy, while it's very meditative, I think. You have to be careful that the rice neither is drown in liquid nor is cooked dry. If all this is performed to perfection, the all’onda stage almost comes as a natural result, but it is a bit tricky; judging when the rice has cooked to al dente. Final stage, mantecare, is when the risotto becomes creamy after a dash of butter and grated Parmagiano cheese is added, and is let to rest for a few minutes before serving

I see now it took me so long to write this, that all I have time for today is a couple of sandwiches - which will only satisfy my hunger, but will offer no relief for my mind...

Playmate Of The Year

I think I've just found out one of the reasons for discontent and unhappiness. And that is boredom.

It probably goes for a lot of people, but I can only talk for myself. I see now that having someone to play with is very important, as playing isn't for fun but for learning. This most likely goes without saying regarding kids, but I'm thinking more of our adult lives. As we never stop learning, why should we stop playing? One definition of play is that it "is freely chosen, intrinsically motivated and personally directed". Well put.

I need to play, to stimulate my own growth. I need to be excited and inspired - on my terms. In order to stay alert I need to be challenged. And when I play I'm happy.

Remember from growing up that my friends thought I was creative; and even if I got the initial idea from my older brother, the intricate machines I built from paper, string and sticky tape fascinated the other kids. I'm not building machines anymore, and I think for a long time I didn't play at all. Of course I could play with myself, but it's so much more rewarding having someone to throw the ball to. The interaction gets more complicated if there's more than one participant in the game, and the reactions are harder to predict. Have to stay sharp then.

There are zillions of books discussing the topic of play, much due to the fact that it's so fundamental for human development, and I guess a lot of people think that by analyzing the phenomenon in such detail you might kill the spirit of it. I don't think so. The kids in the playground won't read Caillois or Jenkinson, and I don't play with buckets and spades anymore. This is my kind of game.

And here's a wicked one:

End Of 2nd Year Conclusion

The poetry nerve twitched a little yesterday at the course, and as I keep paper and pen close by anyway (a lot of smart things are said in that environment) I let my hand execute that order:

Steamy Windows

I woke up a at 1 pm today after only a few hours sleep, totally exhausted from last night. Came home this morning just in time to give my youngest her bus money.

These three days with the Angelos Method have been, although fantastic also pretty tough, and when finished yesterday evening I really looked forward to go home and hit the pillow. Just had to pay a friend of mine a little visit first, but didn't plan to stay long. When I got there there were a few people there already, and before I know it I was involved in all the stuff that was going on around the house. Things were moved here and there, and it got quite steamy. Bedrooms, hallways, living room and kitchen. The cellar too. In fact I think every room was worked on.

Around midnight the others left and it was just me and my friend left. And we kept it going like it was no tomorrow. At one point the neighbors complained about us being too loud and called the police, which responded and came to our door at 3.30 in the morning. They told us to keep it quiet until the morning, and we said we'd behave. The handsome man in uniform also asked for a phone number if they had to call us again. I gave him mine. So we slowed down a little, and tried to make as little noise as possible. At 6.30 we could wait any longer, and continued for another hour at full steam.

When we said goodbye in the morning, she gave me a hug and called me her angel. We had one last look back and and recalled all the happy memories we've had in there, wine shared and sincere conversations. Then she locked the door behind her and knew we had made it. Her house was emptied and cleaned for the next owners to take over! She was ready to bring the rest of her belongings and move to Scotland to her loving new man, and a fresh new start in life.

I went to my car and put my invaluable Kärcher steam cleaner
in the back seat and drove home.