Cats & Cuddles

Suddenly realized that it's almost two weeks since I last posted anything here, and had that been due to a busy Holiday with lots of festivities and socializing I imagine that'd be a good sign. But my Christmas has been quite slow, even at a standstill on some days. A snowed in car with summer tires, and a diminished wallet, rather effectively takes care of any urges to dash out or splash out. So for most of the time I've been cooping here - just me and the two cats. The old one does nothing but sleep, eat and crap, but the little one is a pretty good counterbalance to that lazy old thing. The little rascal is literary everywhere; one second she's found her way to the hat rack via my coat, the next she's halfway up the curtains. When not climbing things, she's practicing her ambushing skills by leaping out of nowhere onto an unsuspecting oldster. That looks unbelievably funny by the way, as she's practically flying straight forward with all legs stretched out. Kinda like a cartoon cat.

But since I have no intention of becoming that old crazy woman with only cats for companionship, and accordingly I have to defy the obstacles and get out there regardless. Which I did on Monday, and boy am I glad I did! Much better company than a cat; less claws but just as affectionate. Definitely more fun.

And tomorrow's New Years Eve. Nothing special planned, but my son and his girlfriend are coming for dinner. Think I'll go for something simple, yet tasty. Why not a Shepherd's Pie? May sound very ordinary, but cooked with wine and the best of ingredients it's an absolute treat. And in Norway also kind of a luxury since wine, beef and Cheddar cheese can be a bit pricey. Sounds like I've made up my mind, Shepherd's Pie it is!

Happy New Year, everybody!!!

My Blog: P291209_05.270002.JPG

Good Morning!

Let's Get To Work

After 2 hours of guidance talk with Irene I feel a lot better. Although the talk is for me as a therapist, it obviously has to do with me as a person as well. The two are inseparable, and the way to become a good therapist is to acknowledge and understand my own patterns and feelings, and recognize them in others.

So now I have a job to do, and it will be a tough one. A lot of digging and scrutinizing, and it will be very emotional with lot of anger and tears. The tough part won't be the actual work, but not telling about it. I see now that part of my problem ha been that regarding certain aspects of my past I have only dealt with them on a logical plane. I know that I've been mistreated and hurt, and I carry wounds that prohibits me from being the true Karin. But I haven't totally excepted it, haven't felt it in my heart. There are still parts of me that make excuses for the abuse. By telling I can hope to get sympathy and understanding, but it can also make it harder to connect to the core feeling of the issue.

All this is not meant to be a start up for some revenge tour, it's much simpler than that. Once I truly accept the past, the energy of the matter will be gone, and I'll be free to move forward.

Midweek Lunch

Me and Toril had lunch yesterday at our regular place, Molière, and I consider myself lucky to have a friend like her. An hour and a half of revitalizing conversation while enjoying nice food, accompanied by even nicer wine. Hell of a lot nicer. No day is wrong for a glass of Amarone, if you ask me.

Most of our talk should remain private, and it's not that interesting for others anyway. We've been through so much similar stuff, and we do understand each other quite well. (Our ex's share certain experiences of their own, which carry a rather high entertainment value for me and Toril.)

So this is just to say "Thank you, Toril. For a wonderful lunch (again), and the best of companies.) Take care, and have a fantastic time i Cape Town with your kids and friends. See you next year!"

The Thing

Do you know what his "thing" is? my friend asked. The more I think about it, the more it hurts. The question came after I, slightly dejected, wondered why not he finds me as desirable as my regular friends keep saying I am. (A real catch, right?) I didn't ask for an answer really, it was more of a spoken thought, but I guess she was trying to help me. The "thing" she was referring to was what his "soft spot" was, what he couldn't resist in a woman. The thing that made him actually fall in love. Like it was a secret formula somehow. I said: Do you mean it's up to me then? Should I change somehow? Just perform the magic trick, which would make him realize he can't live without me?

I must admit I've actually been thinking it myself, you know, in the line of not being good enough. Not possessing all the qualities compatible with real girlfriend material. Not being the perfect dream of a woman. But actually hear from a friend that it might be my own "fault"? Well, that hurts a little. Now I know she didn't mean it that way, but I can't help but perceive it like that. As I confronted her she referred to the fact that some men seem to know exactly what women want, and know how to play their cards. Making the women fall like ripe fruit. Like these men have cracked the code of seduction. Sure, it's like being a good politician, winning your voters over. But as I see it, they won't stay loyal if they discover that it was merely a charm offensive, and nothing that'll last.

I want to believe that being myself will be enough in the end, and that I don't have to be taller, slimmer, funnier, richer, quieter, more beautiful, more successful, more whatever they want.

And also, I don't know if I'm strong enough to hear it, if it actually is true what she's saying. I think I rather want to believe the story I'm told. Gullible me. Otherwise I have to join a gym and write a best-seller. Or maybe just keep my mouth shot from time to time.

Christmas Cards

This year I'll be writing Christmas cards. Nothing extraordinary with that, you might think, and it isn't. For most people. Some people even expect you to write them. I haven't sent a single card for years now, probably stopped shortly after the divorce. Not that he was particularly involved in the writing, but the concept of Christmas cards somehow was connected to that life. Marriage and children, family. I don't say it is so, but that's how I felt. Maybe 'cause all the cards I received were from families. So after a round or two with trivial cheers from happy couples and their kids, who I actually had no contact with, I didn't bother any more. After another year or so they stopped coming also, except for the very predictable one from my ex brother-in-law with wife and kids. They go to Thailand each November and take care of the business there with a family photo. The smiles are getting wider and the kids taller for each year.

Now I hardly know any happy couples, if that ever was a criteria for getting a card from me. I found a bunch of funny cards in Edinburgh, and I'll probably start writing soon. So don't be surprised if you get one, I might even have the perfect one for you especially!

Elucubration

What a blessing this book is; from now on I don't have to write a single post on my own! (Although I wouldn't count on it, you probably have to endure my tantrums and frustrations even in the future.) With Dr Johnson's book I can simply pass off a random quote whenever I get the feeling you're missing me. ;) So, with no particular reference to anything I give you a few from E and F:

Eadi. (Ee-dee) a. Wealthy. Describes a condition once believed to result from work, but now universally regarded as attainable only by correctly predicting a series of numerals, or (which there is a greater chance of doing) by becoming a professional footballer.

Flirtigig. (Fler-ti-gig) n. A giddy female. A fizgig on Buck's Fizz.

Fizgig. (Fiz-gig) n. A frivolous and fun-loving female. If also an Evite (q.v.), this is certainly the one to invite.

Evite. (Ee-viyt) n. A female wearing few clothes. More or less any female in more or less any UK town centre after eleven o'clock at night - even, for God's sake, when it's snowing.

Frim. (Frim) a. Plump and juicy. Things really don't get much better than when a flirtigig (q.v.) is frim, unless she's an Evite (q.v.) as well.

Fedity. (Fe-di-tee) a. Loathsome practise. There being none greater than the addition of lemonade to single malt.

Elucubration. (Ee-loo-kyoo-brae-sh'n) n. A literary work resulting from great mental effort. Not necessarily, though, a great literary work.

Washproof

It's said that the tiger's stripes can't be washed out, and accordingly I behaved in a very predictive way while in Edinburgh. Regarding shopping at least. It was probably on the first day of city wandering I kept telling Hannah for every thing she suggested that it was too heavy to bring back to Norway. Traveling with Ryanair means you have 15 kgs of luggage. Not much. You do have a 10 kg hand baggage allowance though, but actually carry that much isn't really tempting. And besides, none of it can be liquid...

So, no shopping on Friday, and Saturday was Steiner school Christmas market,  as mentioned before. And as they have pretty much the same stuff both here and there, I really couldn't be bothered by buying homemade marmalade or hand dyed woolen toys. Until I passed the table with - stones. Yes, you got it right. And I bought 4 of them. Not that big, but do you see the madness here? I bought stones!

On Monday I really showed my true colors as we ventured into the bookstore... I got books for both me and the kids. Why surprise them by giving them something else? One I bought for myself was this marvelous Dr Johnson's Reliquary of Rediscovered Words.  Another Dr says on the front page of this book: "Some words richly deserve to disappear from a language. Dr Johnson seems to know instinctively which they are." Awesome, right? I simply love dictionaries and reference books, call me nut if you want to. But they can be so utterly entertaining! Like this:

"Absquatulate. (Ab-skwoo-tyoo-laet) vi. To make a hurried departure, with a usually unsuccessful attempt at doing it secretly. The wholly predictable outcome, after years of misery for all concerned, of any American military invasion of another country." [the original explanation is in italic]