On Friendship

That title is certainly not my own invention; both Cicero and Montaigne have used them. And I am certainly not attempting to write anything as erudite and extensive as they did either, merely share with you a few reflections of mine.

One of my absolutely best friends (since I don't intend to rate them), just recently moved to a new house. She's now living 51 km away, and Wednesday almost a fortnight ago I went there for the first time. We'd been joking about The Distance ever since they knew they were moving, laughed about going for ever and ever, and then to the end of the world and beyond; but from the moment I started to drive I felt such a joy, knowing I was driving to a friend. A friend who wanted to see me. And for that I could travel to the moon.

The drive itself was also a treat. Although the weather was awful (as I crossed the bridge the wind speed warning system showed 15 m/s), I enjoyed sitting behind the wheel, thinking and reflecting about important things (and people) in my life. Already from the start I had this distinct feeling that something extraordinary was happening, sometimes I do that. I had a revelation. I was thinking about someone special to me, and asked myself why he's so special. I don't think I've really defined that before, and perhaps that shouldn't be necessary at all. But suddenly I got this strange feeling that he might be a little mistaken about this why, and that it somehow made a difference. It felt really good to have that clear to me, and I think I might have been so focused on him and that insight, that he tuned in on that where ever he were... Crazy thought maybe, but I had sense of connection and understanding there for a moment.

The visit at my friends house was definitely worth the trip; coffee, sandwiches, olives and stimulating conversation - what more could you ask for? Just as I was about to leave, she told me she was especially happy for me being the first guest to their house, and my heart was filled with warmth. We're not always telling each other how much we care for each other as friends, we just are, but when it happens it means something.

I mentioned Cicero at the beginning so why not quote him?:

Now friendship may be thus defined: a complete accord on all subjects human and divine, joined with mutual good will and affection. And with the exception of wisdom, I am inclined to think nothing better than this has been given to man by the immortal gods. There are people who give the palm to riches or to good health, or to power and office, many even to sensual pleasures. This last is the ideal of brute beasts; and of the others we may say that they are frail and uncertain, and depend less on our own prudence than on the caprice of fortune. Then there are those who find the "chief good" in virtue. Well, that is a noble doctrine. But the very virtue they talk of is the parent and preserver of friendship, and without it friendship cannot possibly exist.

I'm not a huge fan of Oprah, but sometimes she does have interesting guests, like a few nights ago when Seal and his wife, supermodel Heidi Klum, was there. I didn't watch the whole show, but I caught something Seal said that really made sense. He proclaimed his love for his wife, but also made a particular point in stating her as his best friend. In his opinion, and this where I agree, you should treat your partner the same way as you treat any good friend. And how true isn't that? It's scary to think of how bad we can treat the one that should be the closest, where we'd never lie, cheat, deceive, abuse or neglect a friend.

I promised you to be short, didn't make it really, so I think I'll finish now by quoting Carl Jung:

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.