Another One...
...on the same subject, as I wasn't quite finished ranting. Not that one ever could come to any conclusion really, about love. That in itself would actually be kind of sad, I think we need a little mystery and romance. Having said that, I now see that guesswork is not romantic, while being clear about who you are might make you appear even more mysterious and alluring! 'Cause you have to admit - meeting someone who is truly self confident (without cockiness) is so rare they look like conundrums.
One of the things I mentioned yesterday was the see through excuses we make in order to avoid a (frightening) situation. This wasn't the first time I talked about it, but it's getting more and more evident that it's a crucial point. The honesty in communication is so important, and it's like I said in a profile I kept at Match.com, regarding what I looked for in a man: "You have to be honest; not only to me, but to yourself as well." I'll give you have an example, once told by a friend of mine. (Not his personal story, but a friend of his.) Although, this is a very typical scenario, could be any of us.
This couple had been married for a very long time, and the kids were more or less grown up. The marriage had been stable, perhaps not that exciting during the last few years, but he wasn't complaining. The wife on the other hand, one day dropped the bomb and said she wanted a divorce. And here's her reasoning: she said she was sorry that she couldn't give him the intimacy he deserved, and she wanted him to have his freedom to find a woman who could satisfy his needs. The husband didn't agree. In fact, he didn't mind at all that the bedroom wasn't used for anything else but sleeping. He was comfortable with his wife, and regarded her his best friend. He also thought about the whole family that would suffer from a divorce. Well, the wife followed through with her plans and left him.
Now, here's the catch. It didn't take long before everyone realized that she was involved with another man, and that she had been for some time. But instead of being honest, to her self and her husband, she chose to put the responsibility of feelings onto her husband. She hid behind a false pretense of taking care of his interests. Not nice, and I guess when you read this it's ever so easy to blame her, am I right? But look into yourself, how often do you try to take responsibility for other's feelings? You can't, and you shouldn't. You are only responsible for your own feelings! This certainly doesn't mean it's OK to go around tormenting people, saying "I can't help if he feels hurt". And I reckon no sincere person would deliberately act in a manner that he knew would upset someone he cares for. Just don't use it as an excuse! What you probably haven't thought about, is that "the dishonest" will suffer just as much, 'cause every little act of this kind of self deceit will effectively hinder any personal progression.
Feelings. Iffy stuff, right? And remember (all ladies?) - talking about feelings isn't the same as being in contact with them!
Like yesterday, I end this post sort of hanging mid air. I might pick up on it again, or not. We'll see.
7 comments:
It's when you put you mind and time to actually think about the issue ,that the epiphanies and ideas pop into an exhausted brain. Exhausted from thinking sad thoughts, exhausted of thinking about how to get out of a relationship you don't want, and certainly don't need!!
However, it's the days when I put my sorrow and grief on the shelf to collect dust that I have wonderful days, it's like a demon of stress and anxiety has left my mind and body, and it's simply delightful and very peaceful.
There is only one thing I'm always certian of though, the sadness, the grief, the overwhelming feeling of being trapped, comes back in large and nasty proportions. I hold on, endure, prepare my mind and body for another round of torture. However, in the midst of it all I sense the light at the end of the tunnel, and I silently salute the very thought.
In the meantime I'll desperately hang on to my dear friends as if my life depended on it - I actually believe it does!!
Karin, I like it when you put your brilliant brainstorming into the written word :) magic hits the fan, and little me feels bigger and stronger.
It's a scary ride you're on, and it's very easy to feel small and insecure. But remember who's holding the wheel, and you'll arrive at the other side of the tunnel even sounder than before! The only thing you have to find during that trip is yourself, but when you truly do, you'll never loose it again.
I'm at a total loss for words at this moment. I think a meditation session and contemplation is in order....
I'm with you on that one, Deb. Should do some meditation myself; I'm not very good at making time for that. Even when I know how good it is! Tomorrow...
Deb, it isn't often you lose your speech, it's almost creepy.... Wish I was able to meditate as well, but I need to come to terms with myself before I venture into something as serious as meditation :)
My inpiration to write a post has just kicked in seriously - and especially after Eric (yes, that Eric) phoned me today to brag about his money, wealth, and amazing success... I'm completely astouned as to how little he has grown mentally in the past 10 years - nada!!!!! How is it possible? I should weep for him, but can only laugh - hysterically - my God, I need a monsterous gin and tonic to rest my tummy muscles!
I can't blame Kristina for not wanting contact, I just cant!
Meditation doesn't need to be that serious, in fact it could be a way of finding yourself! What I would recommend though is to see one of my "colleagues". If you're not ready for that, you're of course you're more than welcome to lie down on my table for half an hour of healing. That could be good start, even without the "therapy element". Which by the way isn't a scary thing, just that we're too close for me being your therapist.
I've never looked at meditation as something serious, I've been doing it since I was a kid. Not that I knew what it was back then, it was just something I 'fell' into out of necessity (trying to cope with my Mom). It's necessary once again, trying to deal with my current uncontrolled energy running amuck! I still have so many blocks that I'm stopping at least 4 or 5 times a day to try and keep things flowing. I'm in agony most of the time - my neck and shoulders are the worst. Enough complaining, I'm working on it, step one; recognize the problem. If I don't have time, I take a short break to sit and be still - I just let the thoughts flow, sit back and observe what floats by. It's interesting what comes up when you give it a chance. ;)
Yes, for me not knowing what to say, is very odd indeed. Most of it is recognizing your pain; I would like to be able to take it away somehow, make this road easier for you.... All I can say is, it does get better, and in time you'll make peace with the pain you feel you've inflicted and be happy again. Ignoring your pain and saddness doesn't help, even the one you're leaving; the relationship is only a facade and that's hurtful too. The second part of my loss for words is tied in with my feelings for someone - someone I shouldn't be having these feelings for.... need I say more?
Mr. wonderful is at it again is he??? He hasn't made any changes for as long as I've known him - sad really. It seems he's trying, once again, to remind you of what you've lost (Ok, ok, now that you've stopped laughing...). :0) Hasn't this comment stretched into a blog entry of it's own ;)
Post a Comment