No Way Back
Once you've opened your eyes, there no way you can go blind again. And it can be tough being able to see through the illusions, seeing the pain and sorrow you weren't aware of before. 'Cause knowing also means you want to help, but it's not always you're granted that opportunity. All you can do is quietly standing by, hoping they'll see for them selves eventually. Now this wasn't meant really for any one of you readers specifically, this was more of a general observation. Something we talked about today at the course. But I have seen a lot of sorrow lately, previous unknown to me...
Another lesson learned is that I have total responsibility for getting myself understood. Of course some people are denser than other, and again - some people read you like an open book even if you clam up. But I saw it so clearly now. I had this conversation the other day, and he suggested something which I didn't totally agree with. He also recognized that in my face, which he then pointed out to me. Had it been last year I'd probably felt indignant over being misunderstood, but now I just replied: "It's OK, you didn't get that right, but it's because I haven't been totally straight yet, the 'fault' is mine." I knew he wouldn't understand it all until I really told him how I felt. Me revealing my true feelings is a different matter though, but the point is that I can't expect anyone to guess how I think and feel.
Today at the course we also talked about our future work as healers/therapists. It's no joke. This is what we (I) are going to do for a living. Full time or part time. How I will solve this is a little bit unclear yet, but after talking to my mother I might just invest in another table and keep one ready for clients in Sweden too. If I then keep a third one a little bit further up north I can develop a Scandinavian Triangle as potent as the "Bermuda"...
Which make me think I must have been a gypsy in a previous life. Traveling back and forth, and from place to place seem ever so natural to me. I can easily picture myself dressed in colorful skirts, sitting on the carriage behind the old dapple-grey nag. A dozen of dirty kids running alongside, and my man gently driving the horse on. Back in the cart I keep my crystal ball and Tarot cards. And I see everything. (For a nickel of course.)
What I see now? My pillow. I'm exhausted, and really need a few hours before tomorrow. I might even get "sober" enough to realize my writing tonight was just gibberish. Til then - have a good night.
6 comments:
Excellent blog post my dear friend!! You'll become an outstanding healer/therapist, and I'm certain you can deal with your patients pain, even in large proportions! It is, however, our own pain we have difficulties dealing with, but maybe the key to it all is solving everyone else's pain, and in the process you forget you own as it might just be insignificant compared to the pain experienced by others....
I'm sure you've been a gypsy ones, and a damn good and nice one - in spite of the nickles collected to survive a hostile world :)
I envy you, it's a wonderful life you're carving out for yourself! There is so much of this world we choose not to see, sometimes the pain or energy is just too much to take on all at once, but we each find a way to go on. I can certainly see you as that gypsy roaming the world, bringing your gifts to those who need them. Enjoy the experience of your course, it's over and a memory all too quickly!
Thank you friends, for lovely support. But I'll let you in on a secret, Toril. ;) The key to become a really good therapist here, is not to forget your own pain! If I do, I can't recognize it in someone else. But being a good therapist means I've worked through my suffering and emotions, I'm not living in them. They're balanced out.
Remember, and this is important: there is no way of measuring pain and trauma! If you hurt it's your pain, not somebody else's, and it's absolutely real to you, no matter how minor or insignificant it may seem to others! And the happiest child probably hurts the easiest - they have no experience with abuse and injustice, and therefore no defense against it.
I could go on the rest of the day here, but I have to run. Last day of the course is waiting. But we can continue this IRL on Tuesday.
We shall indeed my friend, and I'm really looking forward to it!! We'll have lots to celebrate, Karin, and I'm very proud of you :)
Time?
How about 5 o'clock at my office, dear?? Can't wait to see you :)
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