Objects In Mirror May Be Closer Than They Appear
I have an ongoing debate with myself about the purpose of this blog. Why, how, when, and questions alike. The conclusion is most of the time that it has no specific purpose, it changes and evolves like I do. In a way it functions as an internal mirror, a place where I can look and see the inside of myself, and not the exterior version. Blogging keeps me sane. Or is it the writing itself?
That leeds me to another issue I have in this debate, whether I really do need to put my inner self out in the open? If it's only the actual writing that is vital, why publish online when a simple, old-fashioned, diary would do? I think there might be something significant here, 'cause I have never been writing a diary in my entire life, could never hold it up even if I tried to. (Last attempt was probably in seventh grade, writing some silly notes about silly boys and silly love. Pretty much like I do now, come to think of it.) What I really would like to look into then, is whether the avarage blogger ever kept an ordinary diary. And people who have been writing diaries from early on, are they now bloggers? Have a feeling they not necessarily are.
So there must be a certain aspect to blogging that makes us do it. Let's go back to the mirror again. Maybe it's an intentional angle to the mirror? Maybe there's something that makes us wanting other people to look into it as well? "Hey, can you see me?"
This is quite confusing for me, 'cause on the one hand I don't want any focus at all, I'm not the type you'd find in the middle of every event. On the other hand I very much like recognition and attention, as least as long as I'm not caught off guard. Perhaps that's one element of blogging that appeals? Every single word can be considered, evaluated, reconsidered, withdrawn, and so on. Right until I'm satisfied and press PUBLISH. And even then there's the EDIT possibility. Like no one ever is going to notice that I changed an "it's" to "her", in a post a originally wrote days, or even weeks ago...
All this make me wish I had another way of expressing myself that wasn't so direct. Or maybe I should just learn to keep my mouth shot? And another question -
Who wins and who loses when you're arguing with yourself? I? We? No one?
2 comments:
Karin, have you read Viviane Serfaty's book The Mirror and the Veil?? It's very good, and may give you some of the answers you're looking for :)
As for myself, I've also wondered why I like blogs and blogging so much. I've always loved writing a lot (as you know), and I'm in the category of girls/women who has never enjoyed writing a diary. I remember writing some years back when I was very young and living in Canada, but I certainly didn't catch onto it like fish to water. It was more of a necessity of the time, and for various reasons that we can talk about more privately!! Writing letters, on the other hand, is something I have always loved, and I had an extortionate amount of penpals (more than a 100) once upon a time. So it may well be that I need to write, but I also need the communicative part that writing are able to offer. I know for a fact that I wouldn't enjoy blogging as much if it was a one way communcation channel. In fact, I don't think I would like it at all (at least not for the same reason I like blogging today). I like the comments where I can immerse myself in a dialogue with the author, and possibly and hopefully pick my brain apart.
The public part is awkward at times, although not awkward enough to refrain from blogging. There are things I don't write about, and for that reason alone. Even though most people have good intentions, there are those - as you know - that would love to ridicule your ideas or grief publically on the Internet, which is also the only reason I currently blog anonymously!!!
Thank you very much for the book, and like you said - it looks promising rearding finding answers to my questions. It's quite obvious I need to read more, better start prioritizing. No gameplay for a while I guess.
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