Falling Head Over Heels

I did. Literally. I bought a new pair of shoes on Tuesday for a special occasion, and soon found out that they were definitely not made for Norwegian icy, slippery roads. But that evening I at least had someone to support me. Yesterday though was a completely different matter, and left on my own I carefully managed around the city, up and down stairs, holding on to anything. Railings and banisters, scaffoldings and lampposts. I succeeded to get almost all the way home, and then halfway up that ridiculously poor walkway with those uneven steps I fell. I fell straight forward holding bags in my hands, and smashed my head against the next step. I really was a sight last night, with a bump on my head the size of a quarter. Today the bump is more evened out and not noticeable where it is, hidden under my hair. I walk a bit forced though, right leg and left thigh are sort of tender and sore.

In a strange way I don't mind getting hurt like this, as long as it's not really serious. It kind of makes me feel alive. On the other hand, right now I don't need bumps and bruising to know I'm living. The blood is pumping through my veins pretty fast as it is...

Another Lecture

Ingerid is telling us about human computer interaction, and I believe this will be a fun course.

Temper Tantrum

I just caught a glimpse of an old episode of "America's Funniest Home Videos" this evening, and as usual there's too much of people who more or less willingly hurt themselves. Not funny. Well, not to me at least. But this one is hilarious, and it really says it all:

Boooring!

Another night, and - nothing. Went to bed, and again I looked forward to fantastic adventures and thrilling excitements. Don't be alarmed, I'm not starting as a soft-porn writer, I'm only talking about dreams. Or rather the absence of them.

Dreams have always been a significant part of me, but I really haven't thought of it that way before. I have always had a lot of dreams, and quite vivid ones, and I also thought that was the case for all people. It's not, or at least not all people are aware of them or pay any attention to them.

Well, I believe my dreams are there to identify me, to help me and sort things out. My unconscious introduces concepts and thoughts to me in my dreams that "I" wouldn't listen to while awake. This could get really complicated, and as this isn't about the function of dreams we'll leave it for now.

Sometimes I have dreams so "perfect" that when I wake up in the morning, I have a true sense of it's reality, and I can feel totally convinced that it actually happened. Then I'm blissfully content for the rest of the day, unless (and that is most likely going to happen) real life hits me. But if I could custom order dreams like that, and have a guarantee that no one tells me the truth - I think I could live like that. Sure, I'm kidding, but it's an alluring thought, isn't it? And I have actually on more than one occasion been able to bring a nice thought into sleep, and have a rewarding dream.

But not now, for weeks haven't had one dream that I could remember, either sweet or nightmarish. This made me think of my unconscious (as if it was some separate, higher power...), and what's it doing to me. The answer is:

Stop dreaming! There is a world out there, which is far better than any reverie. It is real, ready to be explored with all senses!

Aiming For Perfection - Or Am I Just Plain Manic?

Perhaps I don't want to hear the answer, so if you're worried - just fetch the straight jacket.

Sometimes I "amuse" myself with reading my own old blogposts, and just as often I get this strange feeling that it wasn't me who wrote it in the first place. Probably 'cause when I write I'm so immersed I'm hardly aware of what I'm doing. I'm almost ashamed to say that I even think some of it is quite good, but there's always room for improvement. So what do I do? I edit! I can open up stuff from last year and swap an "insecure" for "anxious" just 'cause I think it works better. (Honestly?!?) How insane isn't that? I mean, no one will ever notice.

It's too bad I can't go back in those real life moments, and alter conversations I've had there.

Yippee, I Made It

I didn't know that it would make such a difference, but wow, how fulfilling it is to have met the qualifications and be accepted to a course, when there were at least twice as many applicants as places. What a boost, it really seems things are working my way these days. Better enjoy it while it lasts... Bad days, and bad weeks will always come, but appreciating and making the most out of times like these will leave me better prepared for the downs. And possibly even keep them at distance.

Anyhow, enough about bad days, I wanted to tell you about the course. It's a practical course in Public Relations, with five weeks out in the field included. Very useful, 'cause no matter how much I love spending time reading, thinking and writing, I also know that is only a part of who I am. I need both. And if I can combine them it's even better.

And there was another thing today. Someone asked me if I got Skype. I hear about it constantly, but I must admit I didn't know that much about it. Didn't take me five minutes though to realize that Skype certainly is a smart thing. If you have someone on the other end, that is, and that is also the answer to why I haven't had any use for it. Until now... So now the program is downloaded and installed, and the headset is purchased. Amazing how efficient I can be when I'm in the right mood.

First I was just happy to have found something to write about. (Yeah, true! Earlier today I really wanted to write but couldn't find an opening.) But I also see now that these two things share something very important, and that is the element of communication. Communication is a willingness to understand, and make yourself understood as well. You should see me now, I'm almost jumping up and down in my chair out of excitement! It just struck me that the other course I'm attending this semester also is very much about communication, Human Computer Interaction can be understood as methods of communicating with computers and different computer based systems. But me getting all this excited has even more to do with the thread I see, and maybe I can use that for an assignment somehow?

Me and Toril share some favorite words and what I had now is one of them - Epiphany.

All Wired

I think I'm finally getting there, and after having spent a considerable amount of time thinking and analyzing myself and my feelings, I believe I'm getting closer to connect it all to the living part of me. It's time to clean up the heart-brain network, make it more dynamic.

Why this sudden gust of inspiration? Well, some things just happen, and others don't. Maybe it's just because it's a new year? Or simply because I starting to realize I deserve better?

Life is so much more exciting when you choose to see and listen to all minor clues and coincidences that are present, and according to that I signed up for a course today, that will go over a year. Not as part of my University degree, no, this is something completely different, but I really look forward to it now as I've made up my mind. I won't tell that much now though, another time maybe.

And regarding my other studies I have a problem, and a real luxury one it is as well. There's too much fun to choose from, and I have to decide! I think I'll attend all four classes initially and see which I'll end up with.

This year's plan is to run through any brick walls that might come in my way...

First Sight

One advantage of getting to know yourself better is that you also might stop attracting people who aren't good for you. It takes one to know one, they say, and how true isn't that, and I think if you criticize others and focus on their faults that's just the kind of people you'll end up spending too much time with, either as partners or "friends". If you instead pay more attention to yourself and your behavior I think the people that are right for you one day will just "knock on your door".

I believe that in any relationship you are mirroring each other to some extent, and in a good one you like what you see, but as your primary relationship is with yourself you just have to like your own image too. And you can't like what you don't know... There you go.

I have a strong feeling that this didn't come out as I first pictured it, I found myself too distracted. Strange coincidents are playing tricks on me right now, so I just might edit this one tomorrow. That wouldn't be the first time either. Major plus with writing - quite easy to rephrase and even to erase the whole thing.

5 Things You Didn't Know About Me (Maybe)

Toril has tagged me for a meme, which I actually would like to follow. This time it's about 5 personal "secrets", or at least things you usually don't write about in your blog. As in Toril's case episodes and behavior from younger days naturally comes to mind, so here are a few things you perhaps didn't know about me.

1. As a very young kid I was afraid of the sea and wouldn't take a swim in anything but fresh water. The idea of monsters like crabs, jellyfish and worse kept me far away from the waves. I came to my senses of course and now I just love everything about the sea.
2. I hated fish too! To eat I mean, and getting steamed cod for dinner was the worst punishment in my opinion. I came to my senses in that area too, and today cod is a luxury. In every aspect, since overfishing and global warming almost has landed the cod on the endangered species list.
3. As a kid I played the violin. Nothing more to say about that really...
4. And I danced ballet. Same with that, I quit. But maybe I should reflect on these two activities and why I quit? You see, I have had a habit of quitting things as soon as I didn't feel good enough, and how could I be? Comparing myself to the ballerina I saw in Swan Lake at the opera, or the fiddlers we had for guests in our home, and who woke me up in the middle of the night playing folk music. I loved it though, and it has probably shaped me as well, but at that point I figured I'd never be as good. I was 9. I remember my tutor calling my parents begging them to persuade me to keep on playing, but I had made my mind up. These days I try to let the experts inspire me to improve myself instead of giving up.
5. At last - I was a rock girl, and quite heavy rock it was, with bands like Krokus, AC/DC, Motörhead and Iron Maiden. I dressed accordingly, probably to my mothers disliking, but perhaps she was smarter than me keeping quiet, 'cause I can't keep my mouth shot when it comes to my own 13-year-old. Guess what her favorite music is?
   

This has been fun, and I think I'll pester my teachers and tag Jill and Hilde. Then I'll also tag Pia, who left for Hong Kong this semester.