Looonnggg Comment

It seems like it's not possible to leave very long comments here for the moment. If it's a beta related problem or not, I don't know. But my dear friend Toril put a lot of thought and time in a comment on the previous post "Hodgepodge", so I better publish it in another way.

Toril said:

"In the midst of personal misery or more intellectually approached as cognitive dissonance I would like to direct your attention to Aristotle and his famous doctrine about "The Golden Mean", in which he suggests a virtue is the midway point between two extremes, and perceived self-respect to be the golden mean between vanity and self-abasement, and modesty between shamelessness and shyness. The aim is to find the appropriate balance in your personality, and I therefore suggest that you don’t turn off all your heat or vent all your steam. You are, undoubtedly in dire need of a little of both!!

There are periods in our lives that are contemptuously dreadful, and when those periods have passed we look back at them as a typically dark period of our lives, and they were, but the thing is that we learn a lot about ourselves and others in the excruciating process. We never learn anything when life is happy, wonderful and content, that much I know. On numerous occasions, I’ve been abruptly and unwillingly ushered into the darkness and grief that I clearly remember from my divorce period, but thanks to my children and friends I have returned quickly and joyfully. I would insist that in order to succeed you must listen and act on the advice and comfort that is coming your way. We cannot romance the stone endlessly, and sometimes we have to take HUGE steps to conquer the smallest cognitive dissonance. The longer we hibernate in our sorrow the longer the convalescence.
I tend to indulge in my own sorrow simply because I believe certain things are strictly personal. I sit on it, literally brood on it for weeks on end, and in the process I hurt the people that love me the most. I don’t want to bother them with my anguish, other sometimes I’m embarrassed about issues and certainly don’t want to share it with anyone. In the end I have to share it anyways, it eventually hurts more than I can tolerate unaccompanied. When the bubble bursts I feel like a new human being, and I wonder why the heck I didn’t share the distress sooner!!!!
Karin, in your case I can give a lot of advice, and you can choose to listen to me or not. Unfortunately, you’re a grown woman and you’ll have to find your own way out of the misery, but please look around and include your friends, your children and your family. Don’t pretend that life is wonderful, talk about your grief and anxiety – friends will listen, reflect and give advice. Friends may talk about you when you’re not there, I know I have, but it isn’t meant to hurt you in any shape or form. Friends don’t stigmatize friends intentionally, and if they have said something that has hurt your feeling they should be confronted with it if it makes you feel better.

I believe I had a lot to say about this issue, and it’s up to you whether you want to publish this comment or not. Whatever you do, always remember that you are beautiful, intelligent and precious, and a friend that I truly value exceptionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Derogative" end of comment

Thank you, Toril! I know you're a true friend, no doubt about that.

When it comes to Aristotle and his thinking I totally agree, and I actually linked to the very same article in a blog post some time ago. And if you stay in the middle you're much safer, beeing far from the edge.

Talk to you soon.