Mirage

Deb said in a comment here the other day that "it all works out in the end!", and presume she's right, it still rises a few questions. (For returning readers it's kind of obvious I keep coming back to the same model - to follow any statement by questions, but please let me know if this is starting to be too repetetive and boring.)

• How far away is the end really?
• And which end are we talking about here? (Not the end, I hope. I'd actually like it to work out in good time before I draw my last breath, having time to enjoy it.)
• Why does this end always seem like a mirage? As soon as I think I'm getting there, it disappears or moves further away.

In my answer I also pointed out that I'm still the same old cynic, but I know that isn't how I actually feel. That is my writing persona. Even though I've mentioned before, the possibility that I might give a misleading portay of myself, it has now dawned on me how true that is. But not from what I write, more from how I write, I think. I've got a very honest opinion from my oldest friend (hope she won't mind me sharing this), which might explain:

When I first started to write this blog, she read it more or less as frequently as I posted. In the beginning she enjoyed it, and gave me compliments on how "well written" it was. But she also expressed a certain uneasyness; she couldn't really fathom that it was me writing it! It was like she stumbled upon the words of a total stranger, if it hadn't been for references to actual events we'd shared there was nothing telling it was me behind those words. Now she hardly ever visits this place, 'cause when doing so the real person she's known for 18 years seem more like an illusion.

All this made me thinking - what about people who get to know me trough my writing first? Not that I should be a disappointment, but I'm sure I appear very differently. (If they ever get to meet me, apparently my words can lure some people to think I'm too advanced for them. Now that one really is a joke...) And again - which is the true me then? Of course the living, breathing, loving part is the true one, but my writing is a necessity as well. I might just have to find another outlet for that steam. Somewhere I could disregard the lines in between, 'cause sometimes words are just that. Words.

Free Lunch

About three years ago I wrote a story about a poor bloke who found out for himself that "there's no such thing a free lunch". But hopefully there is, 'cause yesterday me and my father was treated to one at this fabulous place called Pannrummet (The Boiler Room). Situated in an old factory building, and carefully restored, they serve lunch every working day as well as offering the premises for hire for private functions. They also got Gothenburgh's only pub brewery which they're rightfully quite proud of. Since I'm on it I'd like to tell what we had, just to tempt you:

Steamed halibut served on a bed of carefully panfried carrots and onions, topped with spinage cooked in a white sauce, and new potatoes on the side. Sounds delicious, right? It was a very nice meal indeed, and I really can't see how this one could backfire...

9 m/s

The wind has settled, and the sun's coming out again. A nice day for strawberrys and icecream.

Strong Winds

When I arrived at my mother's early yesterday morning I realized I've been up for a whole 24-hours, if not counting a quick nap on the ferry while the cleaners were vacuuming right under my feet. On my way I was also caught up in traffic jams caused by accidents, both on the Norwegian side as well as the Swedish. Apart from that the actual driving went smooth, well, as smooth as a long drive in a Nissan Micra can go. And I'll tell you this for sure; this was the first and only time I ever do that. That stupid car is quite alright for shorter trips, but in the long run it's very exhausting. And oh my god, how slow that car is, making any attempts at overtaking other cars a very risky business. So in order to avoid that tiring trip again, I'll have to stay here in Sweden. But you'll never know, I might do that anyway. Funny how crossing the border can turn foes to friends.

After catching up on the sleep, I made myself look somewhat presentable and headed off to the coast. (My mother lives a few miles inland.) Went to the marina and checked out the boats, and Josephine was every bit as beautiful in real life as in the pictures. The wind was so strong yesterday, that the boats catching it sideways tilted, even with sails down at the jetty. Josephine though, had the wind coming from the rear, and lay fairly still.

A nice meal at an italian restaurant later made the first day of the holidays rather a good one. Carpaccio for anti pasta, and parmesan ravioli with sun dried ham for main course, and just that one glass of house imported red wine to go along with it. I wasn't driving so I guess I could've had more, but why overdo it? Dessert was taken elsewhere, sweet an rich.

Redirection

The strangest thing just happened today. I had a call from Sweden on my mobile, and he sounded a little worried: "I can't call your home number. Got a message saying you have a new number. I've tried several times - same message." I sensed he was thinking I'd got tired of him calling, so I reassured him and promised to find out what had happened. We hung up, and then I called my own number. I was much surprised to know that not only had I changed my number, but my new number was the one to Tine. How odd is that? Even the people at Tele2 found it hard to believe; and they couldn't find any suitable box to tick of on their screens for this type of error. Well, that's their problem, and I look forward to an explanation. (Maybe this was coming, me writing a bachelor assignment on the subject of hackers... some strange and divine prank)

I called my friend back and we had a good laugh about it, and I also made it clear that we were still on speaking terms.

By the way - does this mean I now am the proud owner of "Norway's largest producer, distributor and exporter of dairy products"?

Going Once, Going Twice, Sold?

A father has just been offered 100 camels for his daughter. Unseen. I didn't think that happened these days in our Western world. So what should he do, then? Accept the offer? What is the exchange rate for camels these days? Where can he possibly home a 100 even-toed ungulates? Certainly not in his back yard, that's for sure... How will they survive the cold and harsh Scandinavian winters?

And if he's to find solutions for these (and many more) questions regarding the animals, what about the one who put in the offer? Can he be trusted? He might look the real McCoy, but fancy cars and boats are no genuine proof of sincere and honest affection. Will this handsome corsair treat the old man's only daughter right? The father has a lot to think about these days, and wants to make the right decision. He could not stand watching his daughter getting hurt.

Finally, does a camel go nicely on the BBQ?

Seductive Words

A new career choice has suddenly emerged; it seems like I'm hell of a saleswoman! Apparently my words have lured presumably sane people to believe I'm capable of almost anything. That's quite impressive for an ex-housewife in the beginning of her middle age years, I'd say.

So could that be an idea then? PR and advertising? Try to sell snow in Sahara, and sun tan lotion for aquarium fish?

Wind In My Hair

Remember that old wine I told you about a month ago? Well, I didn't open it that day after all. Right now I can't remember why, but it doesn't matter anyway. Today though I felt like having a glass, and that bottle was the only thing I had. So here I am, watching Sweden vs. Spain (1-1, 73 minutes into the game), drinking Spanish wine, and trying to find my Swedish roots. Which in my family is inevitably linked to watching soccer.

What about the wine than? It's pretty clear now that the conditions haven't been the best, I think I can detect a slightly sour taste. Just a hint, and it's still drinkable, but I'm glad I didn't have to impose this on someone I care about. If there's a lesson her I don't know, but maybe there's a time and place for everything, and some things can't wait?

Anywhos... This is the last week before the holidays starts, and I don't think I've ever wanted and longed for it as much as I do now. Sure I need it too, I think most people I know would agree. And this one will be a long one too, with enough time catch some wind, both at sea and on land. Nothin's like a convertible to mess up your hair...

But before letting myself into this wirlwind of exciting adventures, I have that oral exam to pass on Monday. Let's not make a big fuzz about it though; I was so extremely happy to have finished the written part I'm rather indifferent about the whole thing now. Whether I get this or that grade doesn't matter that much right now. I have far more important things on my mind these days.

Finally it seems I'm getting closer to where I wanna be (I might have said this before...), but it hasn't come free. Hard work is what it takes, and determination. And never let anyone boss you around. Never. Simple, right? It's like navigating in a way. Study your chart, choose your destination, pin out the coordinates and set sail. Just stay clear of grounds and reefs, and take extra care while crossing open waters.

Seems like I always come back to the same point - water. And what a good point it is! The source of life, the source of everything one might say. In it, under it, on it, with it, living it.

PS. As always, there's no way for you to know how long it takes for me to write a post unless I tell you, and usually it won't matter. This one though took forever, and it could make a difference. 'Cause while I was spending some quality time with my daughters the wine improved, and in the end it was almost pleasurable, like everything bad was forgotten.

Just pulling your leg a little. Perhaps there are no analogies, lessons or anything? Life is just what it is, and you better participate while it passes by? I for one am planning to do just that. No more waiting for life to start. Sounds like an epiphany, doesn't it? DS.

Update, with no significance to the point here: Sweden lost the game.

In A Haze

I'm so easily manipulated it's ridiculous. Went to the mall today with one of my friends, not for any shopping, but she was to deliver some of her work to the gallery. But as long as we were there we'd might as well look around. She found a nice top, and sort of accidentally picked one out for me too. OK, I liked the top, and grabbed a blouse and a dress too, and headed for the changing rooms. "Try these please, with that striped top." she said. My answer was a firm "No, you'll never see me wearing tights. Never in a million years." I'll keep the story short (-ish), for a change, and the end of it is that I now wear tights! With that top, and the cardigan I bought later, it actually looks quite good.

Amazing what compliments and feedback can do to your ego. If someone treats you like you're the eighth wonder of the universe, good chances are you're starting to act a little like it. Nothing wrong with being a miracle once in a while.

Danish Delight

How can one deny such beauty?

Nightly Activities

Had some trouble getting to sleep last night. As I made myself ready for bed I heard some odd noises and looked outside to find out what the commotion was. A couple were going about just below my window, and I was fascinated by the sight. Panting and puffing and strange movements. In circles they went on for like an eternity, but I couldn't tell if they were mating or fighting.

But then again - with hedgehogs I guess that's pretty much the same.

Reclusion

The absence has been necessary - to gather my thoughts; recollect myself. Being exposed to the elements too long had made me brittle, ready to crack like the bottom of a dried-up lake. I then withdrew from the battle field in order to get my strength back, as I needed to protect myself from getting hurt. Not that anyone was deliberately aiming for me with bad intentions, but still, I was vulnerable.

But now I'm here again, seems like I always bounce back like a weeble. The Bachelor assignment is now finished, something I didn't think was going to happen. This semester either... But thanks to wonderful supervisors and a few lucky coincidences, I managed to pull myself together enough to get the work done. That was a tremendous relief...

After spending so much time bending my brain academically, it was an absolute treat to attend the third weekend this year with the Angelos method. And I can also confidently say that it has made all the difference, the strength I needed to face my battles was regained, and I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. There's always room for improvement and growth, but at least I'm in charge of my own feelings again.

Now I really look forward to the vacation, and the prospects of spending some time at sea this summer really looks promising. Maybe sailing even!