Same Old Magazine

I desperately need to take out a new subscription. The magazine is starting to repeat itself; the same tips for Christmas decorations, the same lifestyle articles, the same recipes, same words and metaphores, everything all over again. Same thing, new wrapping. I love to write, and at the same time I hate it. I need to write, but I feel I must renew myself in order to take it further. And to do that I need to read more. That is actually what I'm taught here at the University too, but on a abstract level. It says so in one of my books. To read about it is one thing, but so totally experience it, that's something different. That is what understanding is about.

If this had been some sort of academic paper, I would have had to refer to some of the people who have come to the same conclusions before me. And you academics and alikes, more experienced than me, will most certainly recognize most of my ideeas, but that sort of raises the question: How can we value knowledge and ideeas? Will my opinions be more worth if I correctly quote Gadamer and Luhmann? If I don't know where my ideeas came from, how can I quote them? At this stage I feel like I have to read more so I can find my sources, but while doing that I'm bound to find more I didn't know, and then I would want read even more in order to understand. Oh boy, was he right, good old Gadamer.

Let's dwell around this som more, just a little. But trying to be an academic (sorry C, I know you hate that word...) it's like becoming a millionaire - they all say it's the first million that is hard to get. Due to the inflation the sum may be higher now, but still. Once you're a renowned academic you have earned some intellectual capital and with that you can negotiate with others. The bigger you're fortune is the more you can afford to waste. I'm still living from hand to mouth here at campus.

Which brings us to the next question: What drives us? If we look at the world in general, the economical differences are huge, almost unbelievable. But we have to remember some people choose an ascetic lifestyle even if they could afford both mansions and yachts, they simply don't need that much. So for some people it might be enough to know for themselves the answers to the big questions, while others have to argue in public. Please don't shoot me, I certainly don't mean that all distinguished researchers are nothing but insecure individuals looking for confirmation and admiration. Not at all, if we stretch the economy metaphor it's quite evident we need The Boasting Millionaire one way or the other. We need him to invest his philosophical thoughts, so we all could buy a share.

I haven't yet decided which type I am, the actual cost of pursuing an academic career is difficult to get a full perspective of. I've watched closely some horrific examples, but also great success, and how they're intertwined is almost impossible to say. I do need to be acknowledged somehow though, but don't we all?

Now I was going to say I was starting to stray from the subject, but if I didn't have a subject in the first place, how could I? I think I just have a writing itch. Maybe that is the subject? Writing? And then you may quote me on this:

"Writing is
a verbal diffusion,
clarity contrasted
with utmost confusion,

Or just an illusion"