Communicare Necesse Est!

Had such great plans for writing this weekend, with so much clogged up in my heart and mind that I needed to let go of. But here I am, Sunday evening, and no words to show for. Somehow though, it doesn't feel that important. You see, the writing was supposed to help me clear my thoughts, but they're actually not that obscure after all. Good for me, but it also means I have to find other purposes for my scribblings.

But I'll tell you this, it has been one bumpy ride these last few weeks. Not that I haven't been on those before; on the contrary, it seems I'm jumping from one to another all the time. But it's not always I find them quite as accelerated. First there was a week with an insane mix of wild anticipation for something extraordinary that might happen and also an excruciating worry for potentially being without income from next month on. Extreme emotions rushed through me, which then culminated in a most bizarre weekend. Sunday afternoon I was kinda shattered, but fortunately I've got a very trusting friend who picked up what was left of me. As always.

Monday and Tuesday went by in a haze, while trying not to let the tears show too much at work. The other candidates applying for "my" job came for their interviews, and while being showed around the library I smiled as nothing was wrong. Neither with me personally, nor with the absurd situation of greeting someone who doesn't know I'm a competitor for the position. Wednesday afternoon it was my turn to be interviewed. Last in line, and then I could only wait.

While I was doing all this crying, silent at work and out loud at home, I was also thinking. I knew that it all had some real significance, even if things hadn't evolved the way I'd hoped for. My work as a therapist was an issue as well as my personal life, inevitably intertwined as they are. So when I left work on Wednesday I had more or less regained my confidence, in some ways even increased it. After that it was one "victory" after another. The course I'm attending to become a volunteer worker at the crisis chat gave me such a boost, I'd apparently done a splendid job last time in one of my conversations. Pleasing for me obviously, but even better for the ones who will use this service. But I must admit that it was actually very important for me that day, to know that my communication skills hadn't been just an illusion. 'Cause it sure felt like that on Saturday...

Thursday came next positive surprise - I was ahead of the others, and if everyone agrees at the Directorate I'll soon have a permanent position where I am right now. Now, that's a relief. And I really look forward to be even more involved in their plans and visions.

Last piece of redemption was accomplished Friday evening as I was holding the first meeting for our newly formed association for Angelos therapists. The meeting went very well, and I think we're on to something really inventive and rewarding.

Once again it's late and I need to get to bed, but I'll give you a quote from my Thinkexist-account before I go. Richard Bach said it well:

“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.”

Ein Bißchen Verrückt

"I can do it!" I said, and went behind the counter. One of the ladies wanted an Irish Coffee, and as it wasn't on the menu and no one knew how to make it, I volunteered. To my question where the whiskey was the owner of the restaurant pointed to the Jack Daniels on the shelf above. "No, no, no. That's wrong. We need Irish." Luckily they had a bottle of Jameson too, and soon I was mixing away. Next challenge was the coffee, 'cause seconds earlier someone else almost emptied the thermos and I was left with only half a cup. Amazing how quickly ones mind works when slightly intoxicated! In a jiffy I had Rebecca (the owners daughter) making an espresso to fill up the Irish Coffee with. Last there was the issue of cream. First they thought there was only a can of spray cream. Not good for a perfect Irish, but sadly it's what you often get at bars. Then it turned out that there wasn't a can after all. I was happy, and they told me they where preparing the cream in the kitchen. When I tried to explain how I needed the cream to be whipped just enough to to be able to float on top, they simply told me to run upstairs and instruct the chef my self. So I did. The cream was perfect - for some dessert that is, sweet, thick and creamy! 'Cause first I rambled about in Norwegian, which didn't work. Italian restaurant, Italian chef. Obviously. By the time we fully understood each other it was too late, and there was no chance of pouring the cream in to the glass over the back of a spoon as I had intended. (Had this been in a country where the cream is richer, it would've been floating without whipping it first...) I finished the drink and handed it over. The lady was pleased, but I realized she would have been just as happy with the spray cream. She grabbed a spoon and stirred the cream in to the coffee/whiskey!

There was music as well. Lena, who was in charge of this event, had more or less pulled in the musicians from the street. But boy, does she has a nose for talent. This young lad sang in Spanish as if he was born in Mexico, and he played his guitar with great inspiration. (By the way, I'll tell you more about Lena in a couple of weeks I guess, as I'm about to start up with her agency these days. Exciting and a bit scary at the same time.)

In all this slightly chaotic festiveness, there was still a business to run. In the restaurant there were four generations represented. Old great-grandfather sat on a chair in a corner, grinning toothlessly. Next was grandpa, the chef. Father, and owner, was for the night being nothing but all Italian, loving every minute of this openhearted familiarity. But giving away free wine simply won't work in Norway, and the lovely young daughter made her best to take care of her fathers interests. The mother was there as well, but confused as I was by the owners obvious flirting with me, I had to ask her how everything was connected. They were divorced, she told me. Not that it made any difference to me, I wasn't interested really, but it showed me that getting along with your ex can work fine.

The place was filled with regular customers as well, some more at home than others. The four Canadian ladies looked a bit reserved, but took photos of the joyous people around. The Canadians were replaced by a whole bunch from Rome, and they certainly enjoyed the atmosphere. The German couple though, I think might have looked forward to a more quiet evening. I sat down next to the woman and told her it was a somewhat unusual setting that night. Even found a reminiscence of my old German vocabulary in the back of my mind. "Heute abend - ein bißchen verrückt" I said with the biggest smile.

Working Week

I'm now well into the habits of a single, working woman. Leaving home early in the morning, and not seeing the house again until late in the evening. After work there's a lot going on as well, and this week has been "crazy". Monday to Thursday all had after work activities - dinners, birthday celebrations, courses. And a super finish on Friday with a nigh out with my super buddy. Friday even became Saturday before I saw my own bed again, and the rest of that day I was pretty washed out. Can't drink that much without consequences. Of all kinds. On the other hand I'm no fan of blaming stuff on alcohol, and more importantly, didn't do anything wrong.

Today I've been a lot more "awake", and I even had a walk to the local shop for some lemon, cherry tomatoes and Greek yogurt, which I needed for the dinner. Made a whole roasted chicken with garlic and lemon, potatoes, and cherry tomatoes with basil. Very nice, and with the rest of yesterday's wine it was almost perfect.

Now we (my daughter and I) are rounding off the week watching Psycho. John Gavin and Vera Miles are just signing in to the hotel, trying to solve the mystery with Marions disappearance. And soon I'm off to bed. Hopefully get a good nights sleep that'll fix my sore neck. I'm stiff like a pole, wonder what I've been doing?

Total Recall

I believe I've made some progress in my life, and sometimes I'm lucky enough to get reminders of just how much. This latest one got me thinking of episodes from my teenage years.

I was sixteen and in love. As always, I might add. I realize now that I can't remember a time actually, not being in love, or looking for it in some way. Well, at sixteen it's probably more hormones than love, but the emotions are quite confusing. My self-esteem wasn't exactly high in those years, and I honestly couldn't believe anyone would miss me if I left them. So accordingly, I did. Although I could easily do some retrospective analyses of the whys and such, I'll pass for now, but I do remember one of the most embarrassing episodes. Embarrassing 'cause I quickly learned that my behavior did cause some pain, and it has stuck with me since.

It started on a Swedish summer night, at an open-air dance pavilion. Lots and lots of happy (drunken) people out in the woods, and a band playing cover versions of all the current hits. It was a very local happening, up where my cousin lived. In fact it was her turf I was roaming, and thinking of it, that might be even more of a faux pas, hitting on a boy she'd been into for a long time. My excuse though for that, and everything else that happened, was my young age. Teenagers are morons, let's face it. So, I did what I could and we had a fabulous time together for a while. To this day, nearly 30 years later, I can't point out anything specifically wrong, but I might remember some of the (unconscious) feelings. Too serious? No "new-thrill excitement"? Too predictable? Restrictions and limitations of what might be with other boys? So I broke up. But did I muster up the courage to do it face to face, or at least on the phone? No, of course I didn't. I wrote him a letter! Or more of a note as I recall it now. Short and brutal, I'm sure. Coward, that what I was. But only sixteen, and I've learned since.

Then you'd think someone with even 40 more years of life experience would do a better job, right? Remember that episode of Sex and the city where Berger broke up on a Post-It note? The lowest of low, according to most people. I googled "Post-It breakup" and found a lot of different entries discussing the theme. Like the ten worst ways of breaking up with someone, and why it's not acceptable. And there's no excuse in telling there wasn't a serious relationship to begin with, 'cause why the urge to end something if it didn't start at all?

Carrie says it well, I reckon:



Post-It, Facebook, text message, same difference...

Shiny Thing

Might still need some work, this was assembled without any tools. I think a Dremel is on the top of my list now... I can make my own holes, at least the small ones. ;-)

Reborn

When I first went to the University I bought myself a laptop. Put a little extra money into it and got a (at the time) powerful machine, capable of handling PhotoShop CS2, which was crucial to me. It was my trusty companion for over 4 years when it one day just died on me, leaving with the dreaded blue screen. I took it the doctor, but the prognosis was bad. No chance of revival; its heart, the hard disk, was beyond help. Nothing could be done, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to throw it on the dump. I kept it in the cellar.

Then there was my daughter's laptop, who also said goodbye to us, but in a more physical, obvious manner. I have absolutely no idea what she did with that computer but it was sort of dismembered. That one too I kept in the house, but for no particular reason at all.

By now you'll probably see where I'm going with this. I decided to play surgeon, and perform a transplant. With no respect what so ever I went to work with the tools I had, spirited by the idea that I would run this hybrid on Linux if I succeeded to breathe life into it.

I did. But it wasn't a straight forward operation, I'll tell you that. I soon found out that the latest edition of Linux - Linux Mint 9 "Isadora" - wouldn't work, as the first try at booting resulted in an error message telling me I needed another CPU. As I wasn't planning on equipping this little baby with any purchased parts, I realized I'd rather had to find an edition that would work with the old processor. So I browsed through the options and settled for the previous Long term support release, which meant Linux Mint 5 "Elyssa". I must stress that I actually don't know what I'm doing, but with a lucky combination of educated guesses and inspired intuition I've now got a functioning laptop. Still have a lot to do though. Like learn not to think Windows. I'm a Linux-newbie, and I owe this to all the dedicated people who are making this possible. I've written about them before, in essays at the Uni, and I have the greatest respect for all of them. And when I get my first pay-check I'll even make a donation.

Have a feeling I'm always semi, bordering on something complete. I'm almost grown up now, but still childish. I have a degree, but could have gone further. I play with technology and feel at home with geeky slang and humor, but wouldn't stand a chance at MIT. I write a lot, but I'm not a writer. I could go on here, but I won't.

But maybe a whole lot of semis make a whole world in the end, and maybe complete is the total of everything, not the completion of a single thing. In that case, maybe I'm ultra complete... My next plan is to harvest the computer's intestines and make jewelery out of it. Have you ever seen a shinier thing than the actual disk in a hard drive? I'll show you next week.

You can't tell, but this post is written on my Reborn, the Resurrected one.

Temporary Appearance

Didn't think I'd ever be interested in houses and interior decoration again, but out of the blue the urge sort of came back. Not that building a house is a current undertaking, but if/when, this might be just the one I'd like to move in to - a stylish barnhouse from Northern Sweden.

Same Old, Same Old

In short - I'm almost back where I was 3 years ago. Slightly more paid this time (which isn't a miracle since there was no money in it at all then). You know I've been looking for work, and as we all know it's not exactly a walk in the park for anyone. I've probably could have applied for even more than the ones I've done already, but I do the best I can for the moment. And I have even sent off applications to other places than Bergen! Let's see what destiny can do for my future...

But while waiting for that perfect job (or any job to be honest), there's not much cash coming in. There's a lot of criticism towards the officials, their inefficiency and lack of compassion, and then perhaps even more criticism of the people who are "lucky" enough to get anything from them. Well, I don't particularly share that view, against either. There are always the worst cases we hear about, and I believe they're doing a lot of good as well. One thing they have for example, for lets say someone in my position - a reasonably well educated and competent woman but without any confirmed work experience, which makes it hard to enter the market - is a program where an employer can take a person in "for free", following some sort of plan. The person (me in this case) will work as anyone else, getting valuable experience and references in return. As I said it's not well paid, but certainly a lot more than nothing, which is what I have now. And there are no obligations, the day I get a "proper" job I can go.

So where is this? It's a place where some of my interests and talents can be combined and hopefully put to proper use. It's the library at the Institute of Marine Research. Books and articles, computers, and fishy business - can it be better?

Crazy Cat

I wonder if my cat is trying to tell me something?

I left the laptop open while I went to the kitchen to cook me some dinner. (A fabulous Chili by the way...) Less than half an hour later I returned to the living room, and it was clear that the cat had been sticking her nose into my business again. She'd been poking around my laptop, and had managed to disconnect me from the Internet after she'd first opened up the same page in a new tab - 27 times! It was the Firefox Support page, and there was a big orange square staring at me:

"What do you need help with?" followed by a search box.

Excellent question, kitten! What is it that I do need help with? Maybe it's about time I figured that out...

Another thing; I might have some positive news one of these days. I'll tell you as soon I get a definitive Yes.

Boys And Their Mothers

I'm a mother; and I have a son. Until now I really haven't troubled myself with whether my relationship with him is good or not. Basically 'cause I feel it is good. But a good relationship between mother and son doesn't necessarily mean that the boy will do fine with other women later in his life. In fact, it can be the opposite. But if my son fails, somehow its' my fault, and I just hope it's not too late.

The reason for these thoughts is that my son is now engaged, and this lovely young girl will hopefully be in our lives for an infinite future. Suddenly I saw myself as the mother (-in law), and it all came together. The men I've known (and still know) have all been little boys, they're all someone's son. I see know my challenge as a mother is not only bringing my son up, setting examples, giving him values, but also teaching him to let go. It's said that boys look for someone like his mother (and girls for someone like her father), and that's all good, provided he once he finds that special woman really lets her in as "the First Lady". From then on she should be the one cooking the best meatballs.

He should also be strong enough to take his woman's side whenever there's an argument, or conflict of interest. It's almost impossible to win the competition against a mother-in-law; therefore, ideally, there shouldn't be one. The mother can do her part by accepting and welcoming the new member to the family, but it's up to the son to cut the cord.

I remember one episode, that really hurt my feelings. Of course, I can see both sides. To some degree I can understand the outburst from my in-laws. (My mother-in-law was the one upset, and my father-in-law took the job yelling at me.) But I also know in my heart that they handled the thing badly, and they had completely misunderstood my intentions. Anyway, the point here is not what happened, but the fact that my husband took their side without asking. I felt that he was more embarrassed on my behalf than anything else, and leaving me on my own like that wasn't the most courageous thing he could have done. Well, enough about him. I didn't tell this to out him or anything, merely wanted to share a feeling. A feeling I can only hope my son will never give a reason for his girl to have.

So boys, hope I didn't offend you too much. And if you feel blamed in any way, you're more than welcome to jump back at me. I know I probably have my own share of father issues...

The Other Way Round

I did do it, I rearranged my furniture. Not a huge accomplishment, but I think this might work a little better. For a month or a year, we'll see. Haven't finished it all, still some smaller things to put in place, but the overall impression so far is OK. But doing something "meaningless" like this might not be so stupid after all. New perspective, new ideas. Not so bad. :)

Signs

So now I've got this erratic idea that rearranging my furniture might be a beneficial thing to do. Like that would change anything really?

I'm walking in circles, looking for signs (or anything), that'll tell me where I should go from here. Stay put? Out of the city - closer to the ocean, and my dear Cindy? North? East? South? They say home is where your heart is, but my heart is a little scattered so that won't work. Maybe I'll have to figure out where the largest piece is first?

I like the flat itself, but somehow it doesn't feel that right. It's been so many things now that I'm really getting tired of it all. First the water leakage, then the power failure. Which probably was connected to the first issue, but still annoying. Now the other day the neighbor came down and wondered if he could have a look upstairs in my office, which is directly above his kitchen. They had water running down their walls, and he suspected it might be coming from my pipes. It didn't, but it added to my frustration anyhow. It's an old building, and when things starting to happen it usually escalates pretty quickly.

Then we have the paper thin walls. They're not thin actually, they're thick concrete walls. But not solid, and hollow concrete walls are not a bit soundproof. One day I did hear not only the neighbor talking on the phone, but I could even discern the caller on the other end of the line! I have to get out of here...

Moving the furniture around does sound a little desperate, don't you think? I can think of at least ten things to do here that would be more productive. Not now though - time for "bed". (That's another story, to depressing to tell now.) Good night!

Growing Younger

What a weekend! Been on my feet from Thursday to Sunday; first rigging up the stand with benches and everything the first day, then the actual fair the other three. Too much happened to account for it all, but there were some funny things worth mentioning. My dear friend Hannah was in Bergen for a few days, and I stayed with her at her sisters place the night from Saturday to Sunday. Her sister has just turned 50 (the reason for Hannah to be here in the first place), and she's away with her family on a Caribbean Cruise. I wouldn't mind that myself considering the snow and cold we have now, but an evening with a missed friend might in some ways be preferred. We talked all night, and she showed me this cute String Doll Gang key-ring she'd bought for her self. Her kids got one each as well. She'd bought them from a stand quite close to ours, and I decided to go there the day after. For 50 Nok I'd get me an "always positive and helpful String Doll with a special power".

During the night though I had a dream about the fair, and that particular stand. They were packing it up a little too early, but I walked over anyhow to see if I could find that special one for me. (There are over a 100 dolls to choose from...) The guy said to me I couldn't buy any - they were all prizes. In the dream I wasn't told for what, I just accepted it and left the stand in disappointment.

The next day I kept looking over to them and felt a little angry. Like they'd actually told me I couldn't get one. But as it turned out that seemed to be getting true, 'cause I hadn't any money as I thought I would. The money we'd earned wasn't going to be handed out that day after all, we'd get our share later. Then, almost half an hour before closing time they started to pack! Just like my dream! I figured I at least had to get a closer look at these dolls, even if I wasn't going to buy one, so when all the visitors had left at six I walked over.

The dolls were just as charming as I imagined, and I started to chat with the woman behind the table. I explained my financial situation and asked her if they had online shopping, and that she confirmed. For some reason I also told her about the dream, and I think she appreciated the story. She laughed a little and continued the packing with her partner. Then she suddenly came back and said: "Why don't you just pick one for free? Make it your prize."

Here he is:

Keyth - opens up doors that were previously locked.

I also met a lot of people I haven't seen for many years, and one was a next door neighbor from way back. She gave me an awesome compliment: "Wow! You actually look younger than you did 20 years ago!" Of course no one would mistake me for a 25-year old, but I'm guessing what lacked in my eyes back then really made me look old. No sparkle, no enthusiasm. I was truly unhappy then. I wouldn't say I'm "happy" now either, but I replaced much of the sadness with more constructive feelings. And even when things are going against me now, I'm still me. And I won't let anyone take that away from me without a fight.

Change Of Strategy

After a pan-pan call to my mother she said: "You're not at the University any longer, you can stop procrastinating now. No need to do things at the last minute." Reason for this comment was that I applied for a job via email on Thursday 4.11 PM, and 4.25 PM I got a reply saying All applications are now assessed and reviewed. Unfortunately we are not able to hire you at this point. "What the #%¤*!!! Rejected in less than 15 minutes!!!"

But I did what we're taught to do - I called them to ask for an explanation. Just for my own benefit and future reference. If there was anything wrong with the application, or if I should have done it differently? Or maybe I just lacked something important? Anyways, I called her, and she reassured me that it was nothing wrong. They had simply found the right people already!

My lesson here is that I was not experienced enough, and maybe a bit naive, when I thought a last application date meant that I actually had until that day to apply! In this case there was no good reason for not sending that application, when I first saw the add a couple of weeks ago. But lesson learned, and the add that popped up this morning will be replied to before the end of the day! It basically has my name written on it, and I'll make sure I've done everything in my power to present me at my best.

But first I need to get me some of that gorgeous sun outside. A quick walk will do me good. :)

Shake That Body

Had quite an active day today; up early and wrote a job application which I intended to deliver in person. (Since last date was Saturday, and I found out then I couldn't apply electronically.) That went well, at least they accepted my letter. From there I walked in and out of shops, just browsing for nothing. Grabbed a quick bite, and payed Toril a visit. Lovely Toril, how good to see her. Hopefully we can enjoy a longer lunch together, sometime in a near future.

The main focus for the day though, was this Kundalini meditation
led by a fellow Angelos therapist. Absolutely fantastic! This is an active meditation (to put it mildly...), and it's also useful to work it through with a kind of purpose in mind. Today's inspiration was joyous creativity.

So you start of with 15 minutes of shaking, and quoting Osho: "When I say shake, I mean your solidity, your rock-like being should shake to the very foundations so that it becomes liquid, fluid, melts, flows. And when the rock-like being becomes liquid, your body will follow. Then there is no shake, only shaking. Then nobody is doing it; it is simply happening. Then the doer is not." And my body was shaking...

Next 15 minutes of dancing, which is carried out very much in the same way. You become the music and your body moves the way it wants. I felt sand under my feet and heard the tribe chanting. I smiled. Happily. And now I have this strong urge to take up belly dancing.

Then another 15 minutes, now sitting in silence and letting everything in. Whatever that is. Many impressions, thoughts and ideas rushed through my head. Suddenly I saw myself as from above, saw the right side of my face like I was looking down on me. Like I was someone else. For a second I knew I was. And could it even have been a simultaneous interchange? Did someone else look at himself at the same time? Strange experience, and I know only a few who can read this without discarding me as a little loopy.

After this three quarter of an hour, we continued to stay "within our selves" but now in a more active state, doing whatever we felt like. It was time for expressions, and they can emerge in many forms. Writing, drawing, painting, singing perhaps. I didn't know how I'd react, but suspected words would come out. But I was surprised as I had more of pictures and images in my head. I got a piece of paper from Grethe and started to draw.

A strange creature it was. Before anything else I saw his wings, but he was more than an eagle. He had a human appearance, with arms and a man's torso. His lower body was like a horse's hind part, and his tail was long and flowing. He came descending from the sky, and I couldn't stop watching. As I afterwards told the others about my vision, one said: "I'm thinking future, present and past, captured in one being." Mmm, that makes sense. Think I like that.

Bon Apetit!

Looks good, right?

Intoxicated

Sitting at the airport with a cup of coffee, some chocolate, and the machine hooked up. The flight is delayed due to weather problems, and that got me an extra 45 min here. The area is crowded; mine is not the only one delayed, and people are a bit tense. Dogs, crying children, and stressed-out suits hastily walking by. Yet others seem to be taking everything with the greatest calm, and make use of the wait with a glass of beer. I was considering that for myself, but realized I don't need it. The air is so filled with energy, that I'm actually getting a little high out of it. The destination of my trip certainly adds to that feeling. Oops - time flies, and now they're calling.

Patience, Darling. Patience.

It's really hard not to give in to that man, but I've promised myself I'll have to wait until next week. Until Tuesday he'll have to stay wrapped inside the box, with all his energy contained within thin layers of plastic and cellophane.

All I wanted to say really, is that I'm very impressed with play.com who delivered the DVD in less than a week, and delivery free of charge.

Only thing left now is to test my patience...

In The News

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....
Scared the shit out of me.
So that's it!
After today, no more reading.













Thanks to Toril, who mailed this one to me... :-)

It's Robbie Once More

Again time flew away, and I see it's been two weeks since last post. Not that it matters really, but I could have sworn I did that scribbling just the other day. On the other hand, too much has happened for that to be true. For starters, I've been rather busy with this job searching thing. Everybody need an income of some sort, and I'm no exception... Then I had quite an active weekend with dinners, music, dancing and nice conversations. I also watched a music DVD, something I usually don't. A friend of mine got Robbie Williams Live at Knebworth, and we watched the whole thing. And I must say - better entertainment is hard to get! That man has an incredible energy and charisma, and what he can deliver on stage is pretty amazing. I knew then I simply had to buy that DVD for myself. As things usually are connected, more or less obviously, I got quite excited when I received an invitation from someone suggesting a few days of recreation, meals and rest, while listening to Robbie Williams! An offer hard to resist (didn't even try!), and I booked the tickets as soon as I could. And today I placed an order for that DVD so we can be entertained by Mr. Bojangles on big screen. Did I mention that show is so inspiring? Being close to man with such presence and appeal. Can't wait...

Over

How do you know really? How do you know you're over someone?

First, you certainly don't call to tell them! That is a clear sign you're anything but over him. (Or her.) Telling you're over him is the last desperate act, where you're hoping he's gonna realize what he's about to loose, and say that he can't live without you. The thing is though, he probably never cared that much to begin with. So why make a fool of your self for nothing?

But what about that initial question? How do you know? I'd suggest that one clue is that you're finally deleting all those text messages you've been saving for ages. Messages you look at when you get a little drunk and emotional (the two go perfectly hand in hand), trying to keep the matter alive. One day though you hopefully see that those are moments gone by, and the action of pressing "Select all" + "Delete messages" might not be so hard to perform.

Another sign could be that you simply let him go, out of your mind. Let him carry on with his own business, and be thankful for what you once had.

But listen to me going on here, what do I know? Do you think my phone is empty? Or my mind for that matter? Well, there's a chance I finally did it...

Hot Stuff

"Next time, ask for help" he said. "Subtle hints won't do." Well, considering he was there something must have worked, and I hadn't even been trying. At least I don't think I had! But whatever happened, the end result is still that I don't have to freeze anymore; I now have wood enough to last through this cold. I hope.

And tomorrow I'll be hunting for a job...

Cold Turkey

So much for being determined! After I wrote the post yesterday I had a quick word with my son to confirm the time, and I mentioned I was going to make this Shepherd's Pie. He didn't sound all too convinced, and when he also said that his girlfriend was used to turkey for New Year's I decided I had to figure out something else. Turkey wasn't an options since a frozen one needs hours to defrost, and with added to cooking time, the dinner wouldn't be ready until next year...

So I went for a smaller bird - chicken breast - with mixed roasted potatoes and roots, onions and mushrooms. The fillets I first sealed over the grill pan (making this nice diamond pattern), then placed them all in a dish and put it the oven together with the veggies. I served the chicken with a French style sauce with butter and herbs. Not from scratch, I must admit that, but no one could tell. The trick is to finish it off with that magical touch.

It was quite the party here, with not only my son and girlfriend, but the oldest daughter too, and not the least my cousin from Sweden who's here working. She's a nurse and they come in hordes from Sweden via the employment agencies around the country here. Lucrative for the nurses, but something is very wrong with the Norwegian politics which make this possible. Not my cousin's fault, so why not make a buck? I'm just glad she was here, she's like the sister I don't have.

It's icy cold here today, and I have a hard time letting go of the blanket. No one's here to keep me warm either, but I'm not complaining really. It's a New Year and I have a feeling of confidence when I look on to the future. These last few weeks of 2009 has meant a lot, and there has been some minor breakthroughs. Some due to things said, some to the unspoken. By listening to the silence one can sometimes hear the truth.